4th Lesson for 2012: Acceptance

Yes, acceptance is the lesson I've re-learned today. And no, not the kind that says "i accept and am letting you go".

Acceptance of my current situation, is what I mean.

So, your mad at me.
Yes, mostly it's my fault.
No, it doesn't change how I feel about you.
Yes, people are telling me to move on, because you might not be worth it.
No, I am not going to do that, because I know that you are worth it.
Yes, you said I whine.
No, I don't. You have to get to know me some more to understand that my voice pitch gets high when I'm trying to be affectionate or when I'm happy or really excited.
Yes, I am a cry-baby.
No, I am not dating anyone here. Not until you tell me that you don't want me anymore, and
Yes, we both know that ain't true as of this time.
No, you're not talking to me now.
Yes, I do miss you and the 3 Angels... a lot.
No, I am not happy with where we are right now
Yes, I will let you be for now.
Until you come to accept that I am the one for you.
And I mean, not just knowing that I am the one for you,
But accepting and embracing me as the one for you.
And we both know that this is pretty much the truth in our lives right now.
As I have dared you to do before, show this to your priest and he will understand what I am trying to give you.

I have learned to accept that you are not with me now. You're not talking to me now. I pissed you off to the highest level you can't talk to me now. I have accepted that it is my fault. I have learned to "sit beside" my loneliness and despair. I just cry and pray because those are the only things I can do when I'm not working.
But, shutting me out of your life doesn't change anything. Maybe, you should try start doing some "accepting" too. Start with the fact that you met me, one hell of a loving woman, albeit with imperfections, one who accepted you as you are, what or who you have or don't have in your life.

But I am not sure how much longer I can stick around. The emotional pain is starting to cost me, physically. And I don't know how much longer before my body gives out  to the stresses. But even so, I know that you're the one for me and if my physical body should give out, I know that my heart will just continue loving you.