Time and again, I have been asked this question: "Why aren't you married yet, Rose?" or sometimes with the more direct version: "Don't you want to get married, Rose?"
And over time, I've become inventive in answering. From a mere "Hindi pa, eh"; to "Career muna" to somewhat absurd "Strict parents ko eh" to outrageous "Babae na ho hanap ko ngayon".
Honestly, for a long time, my question to myself was "Do I really want to get married?". And know what? I just recently, finally, answered this question. Yes, I do want to get married. Next question is: "So, why haven't I done it? There have been a time or two when I could have".
Year back (and this is something that has remained unbeknown to my family and most of my friends up until now), I have been proposed to. But for one reason or the other, I held back. Something just wasn't right for me to say "Yes" to that proposal. A few months after that, I broke up with that guy. And no, it wasn't because I said "No" to his proposal, but it's because he did the nasty with someone else.
At that time, I thought and truly believed that had it not been for his indiscretion, I would have ended up with him. But it was just later on that I realized that it was a fate's way of telling me that at that time, had I said "yes", it would have been a wrong decision and a lifetime of regret. Why? Because now I have the answer to that perennial question: "Why aren't you married yet, Rose?" And the answer is a cliche actually, "I haven't found the right guy to get married to".
Now, who is the "right guy" for me? Someone who shares my utmost belief that marriage should be made within the bounds of love and once done, it is insoluble. I am not being a hopeless romantic here.
I grew up with 2 parents around. Theirs was not a perfect marriage, in fact, it was riddled with so many challenges. Had it not been for their mutual love and commitment to each other and to the family, I would have become one of those kids with a broken family. And I want what I saw from my parents; the love for each other, the patience for each other's weaknesses, forgiveness for each other's transgressions; the respect for each other's strengths; the support for each other's needs; the good and bad times with each other; I want it all, or maybe even better.
In this day and age where marriage dissolutions are a dime a dozen, I want a guy who will be as committed to the sacrament of marriage. Relationship itself is already complicated to handle. Without mutual love, trust and respect, it will be doubly hard to handle.
Simply put, if and when I get married, it will be to (and with) a guy who's belief is that although marriage annulment (or separation) is there, it will not be an option for us. Because no matter what, we both will work hard to make the marriage work.
And I am praying to finally, finally, find this guy.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Decisions and Regrets
My mom was hospitalized for 5 days last week. Doctors' findings was that she has duodenal ulcer. Thankfully, she's already been sent home last Friday.
Mom's hospitalization brought forth a lot of personal questions and uncertainties. You see, I am the youngest in the family, and the only one who's remained single. All my 3 brothers and only sister are married with kids of their own. All my 3 brothers are Seamen and my sister, who married early, became a stay-at-home mom ever since. I am the only one who's made a career locally.
When 2 of my dearest friends from work, Ate Rosanne and Kuya Eric, helped me bring Mom to the hospital last Monday, Mom said something to Ate Rosanne that kinda took me by surprise. Mom said, "ito ngang si Rose, sana mag-anak na lang. Kasi pag tanda nya, mahirap na walang mag-alaga sa kanya." I let this remark go without any comment from me. But it stayed with me from then on.
Around 10 years ago, my OB-GYN discussed the possibility of me having a baby through sperm donation. At that time, my OBGYN wanted me to have a kid already, since me, having poly-cystic ovaries (PCOs), kinda makes it a bit harder to get pregnant. Personally, at that time, I wanted the idea of a kid and in my heart, I know that I have what it takes to be at least a good mother. But, some things happened, which made me forego the plan.
Now, 10 years after, faced with the fact that my Mom is already 74 year old and whether I'd like to say it now out loud or not, sooner or later, she'll be joining my Dad. Which leads me to the question of "what am I going to do then?".
I grew up with 2 parents, with brothers and sisters, in short, the works! My family wasn't perfect. But I want my kid (or kids) to have the same experience. The joys of having 2 parents around; the sweetness and love of having sibling/s; the joys of being the youngest and spoiled upon; the arguments with the siblings; the tuksuhan; the asaran; the kampihan when one gets into trouble; the lessons that only a Dad can give to his kid; the house chores that only a Mom can patiently teach to her kid; the joys of having nephews and nieces. Everything that I got from my own family and more is what I want my kid/s to have too.
Since my Mom made that remark of me having a kid, it made think about it again. But there are A LOT of things that's been running through my mind. Having a kid means expenses. From the pre-natals to college education, to what-have-you's in between. And knowing myself, I wouldn't settle to send my kid to a so-so school. But more than the monetary side of it, I am scared of whether I, as a solo parent, can give or meet my kid's emotional needs.
There's also the question of whether I have right motive or not. Does bringing a kid into this world just so there would be someone who'd take care of me when I'm old and won't be able to move around on my own, reason enough to have a kid on my own? Or is it selfishness of some sort?
I hate feeling like this. But I am helpless. I take refuge in prayers during this time. Lord, thy will be done. You know what's in my heart, Thy will be done.
Mom's hospitalization brought forth a lot of personal questions and uncertainties. You see, I am the youngest in the family, and the only one who's remained single. All my 3 brothers and only sister are married with kids of their own. All my 3 brothers are Seamen and my sister, who married early, became a stay-at-home mom ever since. I am the only one who's made a career locally.
When 2 of my dearest friends from work, Ate Rosanne and Kuya Eric, helped me bring Mom to the hospital last Monday, Mom said something to Ate Rosanne that kinda took me by surprise. Mom said, "ito ngang si Rose, sana mag-anak na lang. Kasi pag tanda nya, mahirap na walang mag-alaga sa kanya." I let this remark go without any comment from me. But it stayed with me from then on.
Around 10 years ago, my OB-GYN discussed the possibility of me having a baby through sperm donation. At that time, my OBGYN wanted me to have a kid already, since me, having poly-cystic ovaries (PCOs), kinda makes it a bit harder to get pregnant. Personally, at that time, I wanted the idea of a kid and in my heart, I know that I have what it takes to be at least a good mother. But, some things happened, which made me forego the plan.
Now, 10 years after, faced with the fact that my Mom is already 74 year old and whether I'd like to say it now out loud or not, sooner or later, she'll be joining my Dad. Which leads me to the question of "what am I going to do then?".
I grew up with 2 parents, with brothers and sisters, in short, the works! My family wasn't perfect. But I want my kid (or kids) to have the same experience. The joys of having 2 parents around; the sweetness and love of having sibling/s; the joys of being the youngest and spoiled upon; the arguments with the siblings; the tuksuhan; the asaran; the kampihan when one gets into trouble; the lessons that only a Dad can give to his kid; the house chores that only a Mom can patiently teach to her kid; the joys of having nephews and nieces. Everything that I got from my own family and more is what I want my kid/s to have too.
Since my Mom made that remark of me having a kid, it made think about it again. But there are A LOT of things that's been running through my mind. Having a kid means expenses. From the pre-natals to college education, to what-have-you's in between. And knowing myself, I wouldn't settle to send my kid to a so-so school. But more than the monetary side of it, I am scared of whether I, as a solo parent, can give or meet my kid's emotional needs.
There's also the question of whether I have right motive or not. Does bringing a kid into this world just so there would be someone who'd take care of me when I'm old and won't be able to move around on my own, reason enough to have a kid on my own? Or is it selfishness of some sort?
I hate feeling like this. But I am helpless. I take refuge in prayers during this time. Lord, thy will be done. You know what's in my heart, Thy will be done.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Reunions
My months March and April 2011 were made extra wonderful with reunions with my high school and college classmates on 2 separate occasions.
My high school batch celebrated its 20th anniversary last March 26, 2011 on the high school grounds. Since we were that batch who didn't get to experience what it was like to have a Junior-Senior Prom, our 20th anniversary reunion was billed as "Promless", thus, our group or batch is informally referred to "promless" in our page in a social networking site. The year-long preparations paid off on the night of the get together. We had a very successful program, something that couldn't have been achieved if not for the selflessness of the organizers and the generosity of everyone.
Last night, April 2, it was my college batch's turn for a get-together. Compared to my HS reunion, this one was more subdued, mostly made up of dinner, lots of exchange of stories, reminiscing and laughter.
A realization just came to me this morning after these 2 get-togethers:
Reunions are there, not just to see some old friends and faces, in my case, it served as a measure stick of how far (or how "un-far") I have become as a person. In a way, what I realized made me feel greathearted for everything that I have gone through. And yeah, made me love and appreciate myself more.
My high school batch celebrated its 20th anniversary last March 26, 2011 on the high school grounds. Since we were that batch who didn't get to experience what it was like to have a Junior-Senior Prom, our 20th anniversary reunion was billed as "Promless", thus, our group or batch is informally referred to "promless" in our page in a social networking site. The year-long preparations paid off on the night of the get together. We had a very successful program, something that couldn't have been achieved if not for the selflessness of the organizers and the generosity of everyone.
Last night, April 2, it was my college batch's turn for a get-together. Compared to my HS reunion, this one was more subdued, mostly made up of dinner, lots of exchange of stories, reminiscing and laughter.
A realization just came to me this morning after these 2 get-togethers:
Reunions are there, not just to see some old friends and faces, in my case, it served as a measure stick of how far (or how "un-far") I have become as a person. In a way, what I realized made me feel greathearted for everything that I have gone through. And yeah, made me love and appreciate myself more.
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