What Might Have Been

I received an email last night (Nov. 28) from someone, a former friend, I could call him. It was, to say the least, a very honest email. It talked about what would have been between the two of us, had we become friends under a different circumstance.

I forwarded this email to two of my girlfriends at work, for two reasons: one, because they knew about my story with this guy and two, they knew how it came to an end last week.

As expected, I received replies from them. One asked how I felt about the email and the other one, in her words “fell in love all over again” after reading the email. She even told me to take the guy back, pronto!

I replied to the first one as “wala” as in I don’t feel anything about the email. To which she replied, “anong wala? Wag ka nga magbato-batohan”. Simultaneously, while reading this, I received the reply from girlfriend no. 2 in which she said that I should take back the guy.

I’m gonna be honest in saying that I felt pretty much disappointed from their replies. I felt that I was expected to cry and be sad or that I set everything aside and just rush back to the guy, all because he wrote a very revealing (of his feelings) email.

I replied as much, even going to the point of being brutally honest with them. Why was I told na wag magbato-batohan? Should I be bawling over and crying my eyes out just because of this guy? Yes, ever since I decided to cut my ties with the guy, a time or two, I found myself missing him, but that’s only because for last 6 months or so, he was there for me.  And call it chemistry or whatever, but this is something that I’d attribute to the fact that he’s an “ex” hence, at one point in my life I shared it with him, there’s a feeling of familiarity between us. But for me to be sad and cry because of him? I just don’t think it’s a logical thing for me to do now, because I’ve done that 13 years ago. And I am not going to do it again this time.

As for me taking the guy back? My other girlfriend (GF No. 2) seemed to have forgotten the burden that this guy has with him. He’s a single dad to a 15 year old daughter; and by January 2012, he’s going to be a dad for the 2^nd time with a different woman.  The guy himself said as much in his email, he didn’t dare ask me to be a permanent part of his life because he felt that in doing so, will be unfair to me because of these 2 kids and the responsibilities that it entails. He has no doubt as to my care and affection for his eldest; but to ask me to accept the 2^nd kid, whose mother is expecting to get a marriage proposal from him, is not that simple. For this, I thank him; for his realization, for his discretion, for his consideration of my feelings.  A part of his email also said that he acknowledges the fact that his “turn and time with me is done and over with.” That he knows about another guy that I love and yearn for, albeit an unrequited one.

Truth be told, I felt disappointed with the replies I got. I really felt that my welfare, my side wasn’t thought of by my friends. No thought of the responsibility that this guy has with him, consequently, of the life that I’ll have with him. He’s rich, no question about his ability to be the provider. But in one of my replies, I said, “di nyo man lang ba naisip na baka gusto ko naman na pag nag-asawa ako, ako at yung lalaking pinakasalan ko ang totoong magsisimula ng pamilya namin? Na hindi instant family?”

These two even replied separately that they think I love this guy. Which I didn’t deny. Yes, love for this guy is there, on my part, it’s there. It always has been there. But am I in love with this guy?  I am not, hasn’t been for 13 years now. Personally, there’s a difference between these two. I may love a guy, hell, I love all my friends! But for me to be really in a relationship with a guy, I need to be in love with him, because it is only through this that I’ll be able to see past his faults, be deaf to other people’s opinions about him, be blind to his shortcomings.

Girlfriend No. 2 said that in her case,  despite the fact that her marriage failed and that she has a teenage daughter herself, she realized that there are still other people out there who are willing to love her and accept her. I have no doubt on this. This particular girlfriend of mine is very kind, patient and so loving beyond words. A lot of times, I have chastised her “Kasi ang bait-bait mo ate kaya ka laging nasasaktan ng ibang tao, kasi they take advantage of you na”. And I never said that being a single parent (or even divorced or separated) is a ground for not being loved by other people. I believe in 2nd chances in life. But there’s a difference of perspective here. My dear GF No. 2 has been married. I have not.

In my heart, no matter how jaded I have become about love and men, I still long to have someone in my life who will start a family life with me. Given the choice, I’d have this. As I said in one of my earlier post, if (and that’s a big IF) I do get married, it is something that I would do because I know, in my heart that the guy I got married to IS THE ONE. And I don’t mean the perfect kind of THE ONE, but he’s that guy whose eccentricities, faults, shortcomings, strengths, weaknesses, whatever else, I have come to fully accept.

Maybe, I am at that age or point in my life that I am able to balance my heart and my mind. Yes, I still delight in the happiness that a relationship brings to me, that giddy feeling. But I am not a kid anymore. I’ve been through a lot, relationship wise. Somehow, I found myself to have wised up in this area of my life.

To my ex, I wish you happiness. In my heart, I know that there’s someone out there for you. I just don’t believe that it’s me. Thank you though, for the love and that email. If anything, it sort of give me an affirmation that I am at least, a wife material. :) 

Another Year

Today is my birthday and my Dad's 3rd death anniversary.

Three years after, I'd say that I've finally come to understand why Papa had to go on the day of my birthday. Not that I have this feeling of blame or resentment towards him for dying on my birthday, I mean, if he died any other day last 2008, it will not change the fact that I lost my father. But you see, my mom's mom (or  my maternal grandmother) also died on my birthday in 1983. 25 years after, it was Papa. And siempre, dahil Tatay ko na yun, iba na ang impact sa akin. Since we buried him, I always had this question of "why on my birthday? What do I need to learn or know?"  Three weeks ago, I was hanging out with my friend Louie and we got to talk about life and I mentioned this fact to him. And he said, "because your Dad wants you to take time off from work on your birthday and spend it with your family, maybe that's why he died on your birthday. So that you'd have a very compelling reason to get out of the office on your birthday". And yeah, I guess Louie's right or what he said made sense, to me at least. :)


I miss you, Papa. Nothing will ever change the fact that I will forever miss you. Not just on my birthdays, but for all the days of my life. One day soon, I know, I'll see you again and you'll get to take care of me again when I get sick. But for now, I know you're looking after me, my brothers and sisters, Mama and all your apos from Heaven. 


As to my birthday, I've never been inclined to have a big celebration. I don't know, I guess I was simply raised that way. Birthdays can be had without the fanfare, what matters is I was able to pray and give thanks to Papa God for the year that was and the year that will be. More than anything, I need to be able to pray on my birthday, inside a Church. It doesn't have to be a Mass, but I just need to be physically inside a Church on my birthday. And today, I am sick on my birthday, so I spent like 90% of the day in bed, save for the dinner treat given by my good friends Net Bautista and Vanessa Go complete with a special mascot. Ha!ha! 


I just want to say "THANK YOU" to all my family and friends who have went out of their way to make me feel special on this day. You know who you are, I will not write your names one by one, lest I forget someone, and maging source pa ng tampo. Ha! Ha! 


Thank You, Papa God for the year that was; the challenges; pains; hurts: sickness: arguments with friends: broken friendship; the tears; the laughter; the successes; the opportunity to broaden my horizons; the healing; the deeper bond I was able to form with my friends; for new friends; for the travel opportunities; for a new found talent; for my family; for granting my prayer that You keep each and every member of my family safe all the time; and for EVERYTHING ELSE in my life. Thank You for the new year You've blessed me with. You know po what's in my heart. And I know that if these are all in accordance to Your holy will for me, then it shall be done. 

Gaga over Skin Food

Okay, I've never been one to gush and talk about a product I have just been using for a mere 3 days, but this one's an exemption, I guess.

My good friend Ninette traveled to South Korea over the long weekend. I asked her to buy for me an Eyebrow colour from Skin Food. I have never owned and used a Skin Food product ever. They have shops here in the Philippines but I find them a bit pricey, although (and there's an emphasis on although) I've read and heard good reviews about their products. So, knowing that Ninette was bound for Seoul, I thought that Skin Food being a Korean product would most likely be way cheaper there.

Birthday Gift from Ninette and
the Skin Food Samples
that came with it

Last Friday, Ninette gave me my Eyebrow cake. Along with it was a package containing some samples of other Skin Food products. It contained:  small bottle of Royal Honey Toner; small bottle of Royal Honey Emulsion; a packet of Royal Honey Mask; a packet of Royal Honey Nutrient Massage Cream; a packet of Black Sugar Mask Wash Off and a packet of Red Bean BB Cream. Since the labels (or instructions) were in Korean, I had to research how to use these sample products properly.

Friday night, I decided to try the Royal Honey Toner and Emulsion combination. I cleansed my face with my usual cleanser and then I followed it up with RH Toner using a wad of cotton. Immediately after using the toner, I noticed that this isn't like the usual face toners I've used, it didn't sting and left my face feeling dry. On the contrary, it left my skin feeling moisturized. But I knew that it cleansed my skin well, saw it on the cotton I've used. After toning, I used the Royal Honey Emulsion. The instructions I got from Skin Food's website is that I am to leave this on my face, like a moisturizer of some sort.

The following morning, I noticed that the big pimple which I have on my left temple area has been reduced significantly. Then I felt my skin was softer than usual. So I thought, hmmm this product must be working. I repeated the same regimen Saturday night. And by Sunday morning without me pricking or doing anything at all about it, my left temple pimple has gone further smaller and is drying up beautifully. :)  This made me, once again go: Hmmmmm...  but this time it came with,  I must definitely buy this product.

And so, later that morning as I did my grocery shopping, I made it a point to drop by Skin Food Mall of Asia. Unfortunately, the Royal Honey line isn't available yet in the country. I was told that most likely, it is a new line only available in Korea for now. Sigh..... That means, I must make tipid  my sample sachets, ha! ha! Good thing, my other good friends, Lai and Carina will be going to Korea by month end. And yes, I've already made pakisuyo  that they buy these items for me in Korea. As early as now, thank you, Lai and Caren! :)

Just a few moments ago, I again applied the RH Mask on my face and let it stay for 10 minutes, then massaged it in circular motions, then I rinsed it off with water. Oh boy, even I couldn't stop touching my own face. My skin just feels so moisturized, soft and clean!

I MUST definitely have these items!

Confessions of An iPhone Convert

I've never been an Apple fan. The only Apple gadget I've ever owned was from its iPod line. The first iPod that I got belonged to the early generation early 2006 I think. It was a black 30GB iPod, which was later on got stolen. But from that first iPod unit, I was able to arrive at the conclusion that "madamot ang Apple". I was coming from my experience of having used a Creative Zen mp3 prior to this iPod. My Zen allowed me to delete songs from the unit itself; record voice conversations and a lot of other things. Sure, it didn't have a colored screen like the iPod, but then, I found Zen more user-friendly than iPod. 


As I mentioned, that first iPod unit got stolen. By that time, an MP3 player was already a necessity for me, especially at work. Luckily, an officemate was in dire need of money a few months after I lost my 1st iPod, he sold me his white 30gb iPod for a measly P3,000. At that time, it was a steal! Time went by and I lost my "attachment" to my iPod, it was relegated to my drawer at home. In fact, I  wasn't using it anymore that I gave it to one of my nephews.  This was I think in 2008. 


From 2008 until August of this year, I didn't own any Apple product, not even an iPod. By this time, Apple has already come out with several models of  their mobile phone (iPhone, iPhone 3G, iPhone 3GS, iPhone 4 and now iPhone 4S). Through it all, I never felt inclined to get an Apple mobile phone, because somehow, I knew that what worked for iPod will be the same with iPhone, "madamot".  


August of this year, during my trip to Hong Kong with friends, I decided to get myself a 4th generation iPod touch. Well, it's been years since my last MP3 player, and I wanted something for myself, period. I was happy with my 4th Gen iPod touch; I never imagined that an MP3 player could go a long way, I was basically online for 20 hours a day because of my iPod. 


Then September this year, my Nokia N97 mini has been showing signs of a breakdown (you know stuff like it shuts off even on a full batt; in the middle of everything, it freezes), but I was like clueless "what's out there" in terms of mobile phones. Oh, I knew about iPhone and everyone wanting to get one, but I still thought that it's something that I'm still not inclined to get. I heard about Sony Ericsson Experia Arc and Samsung Galaxy SII. But these high-end phones costs fortune; and I am at that point in my life where I am no longer willing to shell out insanely big amount of money for a mobile phone that would be out-modeled faster than you can say "android gingerbread"! So I waited. And then I noticed that every morning, I have like 4 gadgets on top my desk! And that's excluding the company issued laptop, sweetie! I have my Nokia e63, my N97 mini, my iPod touch and my Globe Myfi for connection. Not to mention the chargers I need for these item, which are, most of the time, also in my bag. 


October this year, and contrary to what I said before, I decided to apply for Smart's retention program in order to get a Samsung Galaxy Y Netphone Edition for free. It's an entry level Android, touch-screen phone and was okay for most of the time, except that I was really having a hard time texting since it's a full touch screen phone and the keyboard was quite small. 


Finally, I decided to do a serious mobile phone upgrading. Normally, when I'm planning to buy a mobile phone, I'd scour the net for reviews, techs and specifications of the phone models of my choice. I normally have 2-3 phone models that I choose from. But this time, I knew that I want an Apple iPhone 4. I expected that with the release of iPhone 4S, the price of iPhone 4 has dropped, and I was right on this one. I considered also SE Experia Arc mainly because of the camera, but it runs on Android, an OS that doesn't basically appeal to me. I don't know why, maybe I just haven't had the chance to fully explore Android, but for now, that's how I feel about it. 

I decided to get
a White iPhone

So that left me with iPhone 4.  I scouted for shops that sells original iPhone4; you know how the market is out there! My first thought was Greenhills, but I was scared I'd end up getting a fake iPhone 4. So, I decided to go to Robinson's Malate first and get an idea of the prevailing market price of iPhone 4. The current market rate was around 27k-29K for a 16GB iPhone 4, regardless whether it's white or black. I asked the saleslady if I can trade in my N97 mini, my Samsung Galaxy Y and she said yes. I was thinking also, that if I do get an iPhone 4, my iPod touch will be kind of a"redundant gadget", so I decided to ask also how much I'm gonna get for it if I trade it as well. All in all, the 3 items were appraised to be worth P14 thousand, which meant  I have to shell out an extra  P14,000 for an iPhone 4. For me it wasn't bad and so I proceeded with the trade and purchase. 

my iPhone with its
Fuschia Pink protector
case

The 1st 24 hours I was using my iPhone 4, I came to fully understand why people who have been using it are not inclined to use or switch to other mobile phone brands. It basically is an "all-in-one" gadget. iPhone users have been content waiting for a new iPhone model to come out, then they upgrade. I so love my iPhone and I personally doesn't see myself going back to other brands.Though I still have my Nokia e63, (because as far as I am concerned, the E-series is the best line Nokia has ever come out with and nothing has come close until now) my main phone is the iPhone 4. My conclusion that Apple is "madamot" in terms of apps and being user-friendly has also changed. And I couldn't say enough "thank you" for apps such as Viber and Whatsapp, which allows me to talk (and sms) for FREE with my friends abroad, for as long as there is a wi-fi connection available. 


A friend has joked that soon, I'd be chucking out this HP laptop I am using and switch to a Mac. Hmmmmm..... Honestly? I am starting to contemplate on it now... But I don't know... Let's see...


For now, I am a certified APPLE CONVERT!  :) 

Vigan

A trip to Vigan is something that has been in the books for almost a year now. For one reason or another, it kept getting shelved. Until finally, we were able to schedule it and go last October 15. As our time was limited, we decided to make it an overnight trip. Well, technically, it was a 2 night - 2 day thing, with us taking a Partas bus on the evening of Friday, October 14.

Me on one of the beds inside the
Ancestral Suite we've rented @ Vigan
Plaza Hotel

We left Partas Cubao Terminal at exactly 12mn and arrived in Vigan a little past 7am of Saturday, October 15. Since it was an evening trip, it was fast and hassle-free and most of all, we slept most of the way. By the way, we took Partas' Deluxe Bus, a 28-seater bus equipped with Lazy Boy like chairs; so it was ultra comfy.  We opted for an overnight stay at the Vigan Plaza Hotel. Since there were 4 of us in this trip, we decided to get one of their Ancestral Suites which cost us P4,165. Not bad considering that it comes with free breakfast for four as well and taking into account that it's located right beside the famous Calle Crisologo. 

Calle Crisologo at almost
4pm

Calle Crisologo aside from its well preserved state as a heritage site, is also considered as a photographer's  delight because it is, I think, the only place in Vigan which do not have hanging electric wires or lampposts, thus giving a photographer an uninterrupted view of the entire place.

display at Cafe Uno

As soon as we were ushered into our room, we just took an hour or two to freshen up and off we went to our Vigan day-tour. Since the hotel van was no longer available by the time we went downstairs to inquire, and none of us have ever ridden a Kalesa, we decided to take a Kalesa Day Trip being offered by Kutseros right outside the hotel. Since there were four of us, we needed to take 2 Kalesas; the kalesa day trip cost us P150/hour/kalesa. But before we started the tour, we decided to walk and explore the shops at Calle Crisologo. We ended up having late breakfast at Cafe Uno, where I first got to taste Daing na Espada with Fried Rice and Sukang Iloco. It was simply heaven! My friends got Vigan Longganisa and some Tapas.


After that hearty breakfast, we proceeded with the day tour. Our Kutsero said that there will be 5-6 stops which will take about 4 hours max. 

at the entrance of Burgos House

Our first stop was the Padre Burgos House. A museum housing the memorabilias of a priest patriot Fr. Jose Burgos. Sadly, the house wasn't well-maintained. Yeah, yeah it's an old house, but I have been to Taal, Batangas and have explored its Heritage Town last September and I can honestly say that the government of Batangas has done (and is doing) a great job at preserving their historical landmarks. This was not the case in Padre Burgos House. There were a lot of memorabilias on display, but it was basically left to itself. I wonder where the donation fees go? 

Calesa of the Crisologos

Next stop was the Crisologo House. Since this one's a private museum, it is in a much better state than Padre Burgos was, as can be seen by well-polished floors. Crisologo House is the house of Former Congresman Floro Crisologo, father of Bingbong Crisologo. The 1st floor houses the family books, kalesa  and the car where Mrs. Crisologo was riding when an assassin tried to murder her. The 2nd floor houses Cong. Floro's office as well as the preserved bloodied garments he wore on the day that he was shot inside the St. Paul's Cathedral. The pictures and the garment of Cong. Floro, reminded me of the pictures taken when Ninoy Aquino was assassinated in 1983.  

Reminiscent of a scene in the movie
 Ghost minus Demi  :))

After the Crisologo House, we went to a pottery or jar making site. There we got a glimpse how those Burnay jars are being made. It sure does take a lot of muscles! 

A Sto. Nino altar inside
the Vigan Hidden Garden

Next stop was the Hidden Garden. Well, if you'd ask me to describe it, i'd just say that it is Vigan's version of Tagaytay's Sonya's Garden :). Vigan's Hidden Garden has yeah, plants, lots of it actually and a restaurant inside the premises. Pardon me, but I'm not really into plants, so I was like "okay, ito pala yun". Oh, they don't have a hotel (or cottages) like Sonya's. 


At their cafe/resto, I tried sampling what they called as "Native Halo-Halo", and my friends tried Vigan Empanada. I was expecting that the Halo-Halo will offer something different from the ones I get to eat in Manila, but I wasn't that lucky. :( 

Yeah, that's me with the Camel ... :) In fairness, he
"smiled"  all the time that we were having
our pics taken with him

After the Hidden Garden, off we went to Baluarte, a private mini-zoo cum resort owned by Chavit Singson. Here, I was able to be up close and personal with a Camel. Yeah, a Camel. :), an animal which I believed I'd never get to see up close unless I go to Saudi Arabia :) It also houses a host of other animal species. We tried seeing the tiger, but I think, it was having its siesta  when we were there. I couldn't really blame him, we were there between 12 noon - 1pm, the hottest time of the day. Needless to say, we didn't stay long. On the way out, I saw a structure that was being built. My friends and I guessed that it will be some kind of a hotel. 

After Baluarte, we were taken to the Syquia Mansion or also known as the Quirino Mansion. Syquia is the family name of the wife of the former President Elpidio Quirino, Dona Alicia. According to the katiwala, when Dona Alicia married President Quirino, the house was renamed as Quirino Mansion  as a sign of respect to Elpidio. But nowadays as with the marker outside the mansion, it is now referred to as "Syquia Mansion". As with Crisologo Museum, Syquia Mansion is a privately owned museum, thus, one can expect that the house is well-maintained and preserved. It is now being taken care of a fourth-generation "katiwala", unfortunately, I forgot his name. But he gave us a very detailed tour of the house and was even generous enough to take our pics. Almost all the memorabilias housed found inside the Mansion are originals, hence, valuable. The touted replica of Juan Luna's Spolarium, painted by Luna's assistant graces what used to be the house's antesala. 


After Syquia Mansion, our Kutseros told us that the last stop was the bell tower something, but we were tired already by this time that we begged off. We asked to be brought back to our hotel instead. All in all, we paid P750 / kalesa for a 5 hour day trip. I'd say, it was well worth it. 


We went back to our room to freshen up and rest for a bit. But not before we scouted the area for a spa, since we all were tired, we wanted some pampering. Fortunately, there were 2 Spa Centers located in a commercial building a walking distance from our hotel; unfortunately, there were only 3 therapist in all available that afternoon. So that meant, that the 4 of us will have to take turns. I decided to go first and have my massage. My friend, Dex opted to have his massage in a different spa center. I had a 30-minute foot massage coupled with an hour whole body massage. After this, it was our other 2 friends' turn. While waiting for them, Dex and I decided to explore Calle Crisologo at night time. I appreciated that moment a lot. It felt like being transported back to the 19th century, I felt safe and so calm. I mean, I didn't feel the stresses of life back in the city. I just felt like I was Maria Clara taking a leisurely stroll down Calle Crisologo. 


We had our dinner at Grandpa's Inn. Like our breakfast that morning, it was sumptuous. My tummy was needless to say... HAPPY. :) 


We decided to end the night with a drinking session inside our room. And since we were in Vigan, we decided to try out their local wine or what they call Basi. Didn't like it, though. I guess, its an acquired taste. Haha!


We left Vigan the following day, Sunday, October 16. We tried to attend a mass at the St. Paul Cathedral, but we were late already so much so that we were able to hear the priest bestowing his blessings for everyone. We had our breakfast at the hotel and left for the bus terminal at around 10am.

Our trip going home, unlike our trip coming to Vigan, took 10 hours to complete. We left the Partas Vigan  station at 10am, I arrived in Cubao Station at 8pm. Lesson learned: travel at night. 


Given the chance, I'd definitely go back to Vigan but will go farther up North the next time. 


I'd like to say my special thanks to the staff of the Vigan Plaza Hotel, for being so accommodating. Reserving a room with them was a breeze! I just called them a day before we left for Vigan, told them my name and how many we are in and that's it, I got a room reserved for us! And they were so patient with all changes that had to take place (i.e., us taking a different bus line from the one I advised them earlier for the pick-up arrangements; no more extra bed because 1 person didn't join us at the last minute). Thank you so much! Sorry, I am really bad with names, but you know who you are guys! Thanks!!