Tsismis, Tsismis,Tsismis

Ang tsismis ata ay talagang kakambal na ng buhay or to be specific, buhay opisina. Minsan, di ko alam kung matatawa o maiinis ako sa mga taong nasasangkot sa tsismis tapos ang reaction nila galit sila, kasi natsi-tsismis sila. 

May isang tao sa opisina na simula ata ng makilala ko sya, eh lagi na lang syang natsi-tsismis sa kung sinu-sinong lalaki sa office. Nakakapag-taka considering na 10 years na ako sa kasalukuyang office ko, pero hanggang ngayon, yung mga stories about this particular person ay hindi nawawala. Hindi ko alam kung matatawag na lang bang "stigma" sa kanya yung mga kwento na yun. Pero promise, talagang hindi mawala-wala. 

Ang nakakatawa dito, di mi-minsan na sinabi nyang "nakakainis kasi di mawala yung mga kwento tungkol sa kanya." Dito ako napa-isip na talaga. Oo nga, bakit nga ba hindi nawawala?

Na-realize ko lang na ang tsismis na hindi mawala-wala ay dahil na din sa mga bagay-bagay. Una, maari kasi totoo naman talaga kasi yung kwento. Na kahit anung deny ng tao mismo, eh hindi mamatay yung story kasi may ibang nakakakita na salungat sa sinasabi nung tao mismo, halimbawa: nakikita sila ng ibang tao sa labas ng opisina; o di kaya, nakikita sa mga kilos nila pag nasa loob ng opisina, yung mga ganung bagay.  Pangalawa: yung mismong tao ay di gumagawa ng paraan para mamatay yung story. Either, continously lang syang nanahimik dahil ayaw nyang patulan talaga or kasi gusto din nya talagang napapag-usapan sya. 

Sa personal kong pananaw at experience, ang mga mabisang pang iwas na maging subject ng tsismis ay ang mga sumusunod: 

A. If I am the subject of a gossip and people asks me about it, sinasagot ko ang mga tanong nila about it ng walang halong pagsisinungaling. If what other people know is some kind of distorted truth, I set them straight. Nagpapaliwanag ako hangga't kaya ko. But I don't do this to every Peter, Paul and John that I pass along the hallways (or street). Only to those people who really matters to and cares forme. Bakit? Kasi kung ang totoo at tamang kwento ay ibibigay ko sa mga taong tunay na nagmamalasakit sa akin, pag sila na ang natanung ng ibang tao tungkol sa tsismis na yun, natural lamang na they'd tell the truth as I had shared it with them, kasi they care enough about me na malinis ang pangalan ko. Sabi nga di ba, truth shall always set you free. 

Additionally, sa ganitong situations I take action din. One time na-tsismis ako sa isang lalaking may - asawa na just because I was friends with the guy. Umiwas ako. Hindi drastic, kinausap ko naman ng maayos yung tao. Sadly, it ended a friendship, pero dapat kasi alam ko din bilang isang babae, kung ano ang mas matimbang sa akin, ano ang mas importante. 

B. Pag ako nakakarinig ng tsismis about other people, well depende yun. Kung yung taong natsitsismis ay kapamilya or kaibigan ko, or kung yung kwento is may significance sa pagkatao ko, then I go directly dun sa taong subject ng tsismis and ask him / her about it. Pero kung di naman importante sa akin ang taong involve or the story itself does not have any bearing sa buhay ko, keribels lang! Pasok sa isang tenga, labas sa kabila. 

Kaya madalas, sa sarili kong experience, yung sinasabing pananahimik at hayaan na lang na mamatay ang story, hindi yun effective. Kahit yung makipag sabayan ka ng asar. Yung pag may lumapit sa iyo tapos sasabihin, may tsismis about you? Tapos ang magiging reaction mo, sasabayan mo ng pang-aasar? Well for a while, it will work, pero at the end of the day, ang interpretation pa din ng mga tao, na-aasar ka kasi guilty ka. Bakit? Kasi ganun naman ang tao. Hangga't walang concrete na nakikita, nadidinig or natatanggap na sagot, they will still choose to believe what they want to believe unless they see or hear otherwise. 

Ang pananahimik din kasi minsan ay taken as kaya ayaw mong magsalita kasi what for? Eh totoo naman yung story. Ever heard of that line na silence means yes? Yun yun! 

Kaya yung taong tinutukoy ko na for the longest time eh natsi-tsismis sa kung sinu-sinong lalake sa office? Napapa isip na tuloy ako. Ahahahahahah!!!

Paalala lang. Para kasi di ma-tsismis, wag gagawa ng mga bagay bagay na nakakatawag pansin. Halimbawa: wag dikit ng dikit sa lalaking may-asawa. Wag pumapasok sa opisina na ang suot na damit eh parang pang night shift sa Quezon Avenue. Wag nagpapakita ng motibo sa lalaki o umiistambay sa opisina ng may opisina. Kung babae ka na single, wag manliligaw ng lalaki kesehodang binata pa, nakakawala ng respeto yan. Kung may-asawa ka naman na babae, wag kang babarkada sa isang lalake na may asawa din at vice versa. Wag parang boyoyong sa office. Wag naglalagi sa parking lot or nakatambay sa kotse na kasama ang isang member of opposite sex, kahit na wala kayong ginagawang milagro sa loob ng kotse, iba pa din ang dating nito. In short, wag epal kung ayaw na mapag usapan. Maging simple lang. After all, nasa office para magtraabaho at hindi magpa-star. Kung talagang magaling kang empleyado, magaling kasi alam ang trabaho at may utak at hindi dahil sa iba pang "talent", mapapansin at mapapansin ka talaga, mapo-promote ka pramis! Di mo kailangan kumonek sa kung sinu-sinong boy/s o gumawa ng spectacular show! :) 

Just Another Day...

Okay, so this entry's some sort of an outlet and clarification on some misconceptions and ideas about me and my use of Facebook and this blog account. Today, I received yet another phone call from a colleague at work. She was asking me about an FB post of mine about my staff who got into a fight. Not one to deny something I did, I said "Yes, I did. But which one are you referring and why?" She said that one of the characters in that story went to her and told her about it, but no other specifics were given.


Now here's the clarificatory part of this entry.


I am an active Facebook user and I write on this blog account on an average, 2-3 times a month. My FB account is used  basically for what it was intended to be by its creators: SOCIAL NETWORKING. I share a part of my life with the 306 people included in my FB network. These 306 people are the people whom I am comfortable with in sharing this so-called part of my life. These 306 people are composed of my family and relatives (some of whom, I have not seen in ages and probably would have not in contact with again if not for FB), friends from childhood, friends from high school, from college and from work. But as a personal policy, I DO NOT accept my bosses in my FB account. Wala lang, ayoko lang. Di lang ako komportable na ang mga boss ko ay nasa FB ko. Ito ang rin ang isang dahilan why I "un-friended" my staff on my FB account, which they later told me, they got hurt. Well, for that I already apologized.


My FB wall, as does this blog account, are what I consider MY own. I have been told that my FB wall has achieved some sort of "something to watch out for" status among friends. A friend at work has jokingly told me "mare, alam mo nag-e-FB lang ako just to check your posts, kasi nakaka-aliw and na-a-update ako sa mga nangyayari dito sa office thru your posts." I received other remarks as well, but mostly it boils down to that, "naaliw sila".  How do I take these remarks? Truthfully? I would just smile and say "thanks" or "okay".  I mean, what else is there to say? Some would ask me about my posts and if I think that they deserve an explanation from me, then I would. But otherwise, I'd just smile.


Also as another personal policy, bilang pag-galang na din sa identity ng mga taong tinutukoy ko, hindi ako naglalagay ng pangalan sa mga posts ko or entries ko, lalo't alam ko na wala akong pahintulot na ilagay ang mga pangalan nila, lalo na sa mga wall posts ko at yung inaaway ko. Ahahahaha!!! Pag positive ang message ko, then I do write their names. So if one will say "ouch!" by what I have written and you don't want other people in my network to know na ikaw nga yung tinutukoy ko, then I strongly suggest wag kang mag comment sa wall ko, send me a pm instead; or post an anonymous comment here in my blog. So you see, I just don't post or write without regard for other people's feelings and privacy, especially, those of my family and dearest friends. Also, if there are comments by my friends which I feel offensive din ang dating, I tell them not to be so brutal in their comments, I tell them to "behave" because I don't want them to get into trouble. 


Once I was asked, "are you comfortable posting or writing your thoughts on FB or on your blog?" Gosh! Gusto kong tuktukan yung nagtanung sa akin. If there's one thing that I am is that hindi ako ang taong napipilit. If you want, you can ask my Mom about this. Bata palang ako, I have my own mind already. Ang gusto ko, gusto ko. Ang ayaw ko, ayaw ko. I might reconsider but then again, mahaba-habang paliwanagan yun, bago magbago ang isip ko. So yeah, I am comfortable doing this. And yeah, I write, I post because first and foremost, I like sharing not just my thoughts, but even the blessings that I get in this life. Ang hindi ko lang sine-share ay toothbrush, undies, kutsara at tinidor na ginamit na ng iba or ginamit ko na, gamit na tissue, sanitary napkin at kung anumang ibang bagay na un-sanitary gamitin pag nagamit na ng iba, at higit sa lahat, BOYFRIEND!  Secondly, I write, I post because it is an outlet for me. Third, by writing and posting, I get other people's perspectives on things and then I LEARN from them (and hopefully, they learn from me as well), some sort of a way to reach out to others as well. 


Believe it or not, some people at work now knows pag mainit ang ulo ko because of my posts. Then they make iwas na. Hehehehehe. 


I appreciate it immensely if people will just directly ask me or tell me their opinions about my posts, rather than going to another person to discuss it. I mean, doing that will not give you the answer/s you're looking for, right? You got hurt or troubled by what I wrote or posted? Then tell ME about it. I know that I don't look approachable, so if you can't tell me personally, a private message would do just fine. For as long as it is addressed to ME, then I would give you an honest to goodness answer or even sincerely apologize if I hurt you with what I wrote or posted. Yes, mataray ako. Yes, maldita ako. But no, I am not an un-feeling bitch. 


So next time you have something to say or comment on my posts or blog entries, feel free to tell ME.

On Office Romances and Fights

Middle of last week, Wednesday to be exact, I got a call at the office from a colleague. I was told that one of my male staff was involved in a fight, right inside the office premises during office hours. This info made me stand up and look for said personnel. 


Immediately after the call, I asked my staff to come and see me. Even before he sat down, he knew the reason why he was being called; and so he told me his side of story. Apparently, my staff and his girlfriend, who's also an employee but belongs to another department, has been having issues with girl's smoking habits. That day, my staff ran into his gf downstairs with another male employee. My staff instinctively felt that his gf went out during the morning break time to smoke, so he didn't say a word to them and proceeded to return to our work area. The girl, sensing his boyfriend's reaction, followed my staff into his work cube to explain why she was with that another male employee. Apparently, my staff who couldn't fully buy his gf's explanation, decided to confront the other male employee. And then the fight happened. Everything was caught on the CCTV and eventually, the two male employees were called to the Security Department.


After my staff finished his story, I knew right then and there that of the 3 characters in this story (my staff, his gf and the other male employee), it's my staff who has the most fault. In fact, he's the one at fault. And like a elder sister, I did my best to speak and remind my staff of his folly and its possible repercussions to his career. The fight happened during office hours and inside the office premises. I reminded him that there were branch personnel who did the same thing and got dismissed from the service. And to think that they fought OUTSIDE the branch office and AFTER office hours. But just the same, they were dismissed.  I can only imagine the magnitude of my staff's action. 


My staff was honest enough to admit that his action was purely based on emotions. He acted out of anger and frustration (towards his girlfriend). 


Office romances can be sweet, at best, conflicting at worst. Personally, I am not a fan of office romances. And I have my reasons. Foremost of which is that there becomes a fine line between professional and personal emotions between two employees involved in such a relationship. And most of the time, this fine line is crossed nonchalantly. Another reason is that, and whether anyone would like to admit this or not, it becomes another topic to be talked about by other people. Third reason, and I am speaking from experience here, once the romance or relationship fizzles out, there's that period when one avoids the other.  And boy, do I hate this feeling! 


I reminded my staff that as an employee, his foremost responsibility is to do his job and take care of his credibility as a personnel from the Human Resources. Other things come in second when he's at the office. In the case of my staff, being from HR became a double whammy against him. 


I did a 2-day "counselling sessions" with him. I was really like an elder sister to him, to the point that I expressed my personal opinions on his relationship with his now ex. 


My staff is kinda young, early 20's and has been with the company for a little more than 2 years. And it just dawned on me that ever since he came in, he didn't have the opportunity to make friends or bond with other male employees in our department. Right away, he got into a relationship with his now ex gf. And yeah, I know now that it could have made a difference had he got the chance to be friends with his male colleagues first. 


Seeing my staff's remorse and fear of the consequences of his action made me feel "awa". But then again, that's what happens when a person lets his emotions rule.

On Apologies

Last month, I wrote about the Reorganization that's happening at my work place. 2-3 weeks after, not much has changed. We are now in that phase where executives are trying to come up with their respective organizational structure (department level and below) and staffing pattern. 


I also mentioned in that post that people are being let go because of this reorganization. To be honest, staff were also surprised with how this act came about. Sure, staff complains about their bosses from something as mundane as prima donna attitude to lack of job knowledge and whatever else, but the staff didn't foresee that these executives whom they were complaining about will eventually be made to retire or resign. 


Early on, I have a strong hunch that those who will be leaving will try to make amends to the people they have treated unfairly while they were still in their "thrones". I guess it's something inherent to people. True enough, one outgoing executive  did just that. He called all staff under his jurisdiction into a meeting. It was during this meeting that he, without batting an eyelash, said that he wants everything okay before he leaves. By this he meant that whatever has happened, he's saying sorry and can the staff just forgive him and move on. 


A close friend of mine, in particular, was a victim of this executive's abuse of power. As a matter of fact, after that particular meeting, my friend was asked to see the executive in his office. Naturally, my friend refused. Her refusal was anchored on a lot of things. Foremost is that, she's not ready. And this refusal earned another remark from that executive saying  my friend is stubborn or "matigas ang puso".


When I learned about  this, all I could say, "What the F*ck?!" Does this executive even realized what he has done to my friend all these years??? Has he shown his appreciation even for just a tiny bit, for all the hard work, long hours and dedication my friend has given just so he can deliver to the management,? 


It made me mad. How can someone abuse his power, hurt a lot of people along the way, and then in the end, say "sorry, let's be friends"? And the nerve to really push the reconciliation without any regard for my friend's feelings! What, you're time is running out?!


People, especially those who are in positions, drowns in a their so-called power that they make other people's lives a living hell, while they're at it. And then when reality comes, one acts like a humbled sheep, apologizes. But if the other party's not willing to accept the apology, they will apply coercion. Damn! So immature! 


One's willingness to apologize, albeit repeatedly, will not make up for the hurt that an act has caused to another person. Trust me on this one. A relationship that has been tainted with hurt, disappointment or worse, betrayal will never be the same. Sometimes, apologies if asked too freely also loses its meaning. 


I just wish that executives and bosses will realize this and start treating their staff right. That their staff are there to work with them and not for them. Because all of us are working for the company who pays our salaries.