New Year and Resolutions...

Okay, in exactly an hour and quarter, 2011 shall come to an end. And as expected, New Year's resolutions shall come in plentiful, even though most of it will remain just that for most people: a motherhood statement made at the start of a new year. :(

Personally, since New Year of 2011 came in, I have stopped making resolutions. I opted to have goals set at the beginning of each year and as the year progresses, I would check my list every now and then to see how far I have come along.

And so for 2012 these are my goals, though not necessarily in the order they appear here:

1. Attain further knowledge and more skills in photography by attending more seminars and workshops; and also build up my equipment. Seminars and workshops should be focused more on portraiture, wedding and fashion photography. 
2. Take a crash course on basic make-up artistry. A skill that helps a lot once I become a full-pledge wedding and fashion photographer, and also something that I could use to earn extra incomes. 
3. Get a US Visa!!!
4. Travel to US!! teeeehhhhhheeeee!!!
5. Work hard (again!) and learn the ropes of being a Training Officer
6. Save up for the travel to the US! 
7. Pray harder, spend more time in Church and with God
8. Spend more time with family
9. Love, love, love!

So, there it goes! I am gonna keep track of these goals, pray hard for the realizations of these and hopefully, 2012 will be a much, much brighter year for me!

Again, happy new year everyone!!!

New Year

In a few hours, I will be saying goodbye to 2011. And yes, this was one hell of a year for me from January until  about the 2nd week of December. Hah! Well at least, looking at the bright side, the last 2 weeks of this year kinda made me forget the hardships and gave me hope again.

If I am asked  to describe my 2011 in one word, I'd say BROKEN. In 2011, I've suffered a broken heart; a broken friendship and broken working relationship with my boss.

It was really hard for me this year. And I am really hoping that 2012 will be different. Since I am part Chinese, I observe certain traditions which I believe will help usher in a brighter year for me. Also, the Chinese in me doesn't fully recognize January 01, 2012 as the start of my new year and good luck. In a way, I observe two New Year celebrations (one on January 01 and the other one is the Chinese new year based on the lunar calendar) every year. Kinda confusing? Not really.

Before 2011 comes to an end and I leave all the bad things that has happened to me, I'd like to acknowledge that there were good things that did happen to me. For my loyal and ever sincere circle of friends (you know who you are), for the love you have extended, not just for me, but for my Mom as well, thank you. For being there all ways, all the time.

For my family, especially my Mom, who I know is always there for me, thank you for constantly remembering me and worrying about me.

To Chad, who undeniably makes me happy these days and has given me a new hope in finding a man who is sincere and trustworthy. You make me excited thinking about the future and the challenges that lie ahead. For now, I shall continue to pray for us and try to journey with you the best that I know how.

And most of all, to my Papa God, who I know has never failed to watch over me. Thank You for 2011, no matter how challenging  and painful it was. Thank You for making me happy the last 2 weeks of it and I really pray that this time, this is really it. We have so much to work on as a couple and as individuals, and You know that in my heart, I am contented. I have not asked You "Why him?" because I believe that You have your own reasons for bringing him into my life. Thank You Papa God for everything. Amen!

Happy New Year everyone and I claim God's blessings for each and everyone of you!

Thank You

I made 2 posts on my Facebook wall this morning that, to say the least, bothered a lot of my friends. These posts were, as most of my posts are, honest and dealt with my state of emotions at this time. I was also vague on these posts, in the sense that I didn't really say the reason/s why I am where I am now.


My email, Facebook and phone in-boxes were deluged with messages, asking me "what happened?"; "why?"; "are you okay?" and a host of other assurances that I am not alone. Three guy friends have even sent me flowers which as what was written on the card  was aimed to help cheer me up. Also, the fact that I didn't reply to each of the messages I received was something that caused my friends to worry some more. I am known to be that kind of person who will reply to an sms or a call whenever I could. If I didn't, then there is something pressing or wrong.


This entry isn't intended to give the detailed reason of my present situation, only 2 people know, and that's enough for me. There are just two things I wanted to share here tonight:


One is I am at that point in my life where I have to stop running away from an issue I have been skirting around for 1 year now. This issue is the reason why I have pushed myself to get into some activities this year, in the hope that it will eventually make the issue go away. My fear of being sad and depressed (even on a temporary basis) has fueled my desire to turn this into a productive experience. And yes, for a time, I succeeded. I got into photography and I discovered that I have a talent on this one; I got into a language class and learned that I could learn it and speak Mandarin well. I traveled. And on and on went the list. All because I didn't want to face this particular issue.


But last night, I just got tired of running away. Its like, all of a sudden, I am faced with a wall and there's no where left to go. All I wanted to do was to cry  and really let the pain out. I called my friend August as all these emotions were unraveling, and he was that generous with his time with me. He let me cry. And told me to stop avoiding this issue anymore. That I have to deal with it now. Not necessarily the issue itself, but the 
emotions that went with it.


When August asked me, "ano ang gusto mo ngayon?"  all I said was: "I don't want to be where I am now. I don't wanna be crying and hurting". And he said that I can't, because I have been doing exactly just that for a year now, avoiding all these emotions. Now, its time for me to be here. And like a lost child, I told him "Pano, hindi ko na alam dito, kasi ayoko dito, I feel that I am too old for this na", to which he said "wala, acknowledge mo lang how you feel. if you feel like crying, let the tears flow; if you feel disappointed, acknowlege it. Tabihan mo ung emotions mo, tabihan mo si sad, tabihan mo si disappointment."  I was kinda lost at first on how to do this. But I remember the book that August made me read years back, Eckhart Tolle's Power of Now. And it pretty much helped me how to be in this situation and deal with it.


I was crying over the phone, really letting it all out, my deepest feelings, my silliest to my darkest thoughts. I felt relieved for a time. But only for a brief time. I don't know how long it will take me this time before I can say "I am okay" because I am not even halfway there yet. But, I know that someday, I'd just find myself there.


A friend with whom I talked to this evening was kinda of worried because in her words "parang biglang kang huminto and I'm afraid you'd get stocked up there". She actually asked me several times "so anong plano mo?".  To which I replied, "wala. I just need to be here now, deal with these emotions".


For now, please understand if you won't find the usual "rose/rosa/osang" that you know and in her stead, you'd find a more subdued "rose/rosa/osang"; if you don't hear my witch laugh or pang-ookray as often as you would like. Please don't make tampo if you invite me out to a dinner or coffee and I would beg off, it simply means that I just want to be alone. If you see me and I have this pair of swollen eyes, just ignore it. Please bear with me for now. It's not easy for me too.


Two, to everyone who texted, pm'd and emailed me THANK YOU. For your love and assurances that you are there ready to listen and help me. Notably, to my 3 musketeers for the flowers and helping me deflect another issue because you simply know that I couldn't deal with it now; to my 2 other friends who were shocked about the details of my present situation;  and to all the others whom I didn't send a reply to, I am sorry for not replying, your messages were very well appreciated. I request for your understanding for now. Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart! 

What Might Have Been

I received an email last night (Nov. 28) from someone, a former friend, I could call him. It was, to say the least, a very honest email. It talked about what would have been between the two of us, had we become friends under a different circumstance.

I forwarded this email to two of my girlfriends at work, for two reasons: one, because they knew about my story with this guy and two, they knew how it came to an end last week.

As expected, I received replies from them. One asked how I felt about the email and the other one, in her words “fell in love all over again” after reading the email. She even told me to take the guy back, pronto!

I replied to the first one as “wala” as in I don’t feel anything about the email. To which she replied, “anong wala? Wag ka nga magbato-batohan”. Simultaneously, while reading this, I received the reply from girlfriend no. 2 in which she said that I should take back the guy.

I’m gonna be honest in saying that I felt pretty much disappointed from their replies. I felt that I was expected to cry and be sad or that I set everything aside and just rush back to the guy, all because he wrote a very revealing (of his feelings) email.

I replied as much, even going to the point of being brutally honest with them. Why was I told na wag magbato-batohan? Should I be bawling over and crying my eyes out just because of this guy? Yes, ever since I decided to cut my ties with the guy, a time or two, I found myself missing him, but that’s only because for last 6 months or so, he was there for me.  And call it chemistry or whatever, but this is something that I’d attribute to the fact that he’s an “ex” hence, at one point in my life I shared it with him, there’s a feeling of familiarity between us. But for me to be sad and cry because of him? I just don’t think it’s a logical thing for me to do now, because I’ve done that 13 years ago. And I am not going to do it again this time.

As for me taking the guy back? My other girlfriend (GF No. 2) seemed to have forgotten the burden that this guy has with him. He’s a single dad to a 15 year old daughter; and by January 2012, he’s going to be a dad for the 2^nd time with a different woman.  The guy himself said as much in his email, he didn’t dare ask me to be a permanent part of his life because he felt that in doing so, will be unfair to me because of these 2 kids and the responsibilities that it entails. He has no doubt as to my care and affection for his eldest; but to ask me to accept the 2^nd kid, whose mother is expecting to get a marriage proposal from him, is not that simple. For this, I thank him; for his realization, for his discretion, for his consideration of my feelings.  A part of his email also said that he acknowledges the fact that his “turn and time with me is done and over with.” That he knows about another guy that I love and yearn for, albeit an unrequited one.

Truth be told, I felt disappointed with the replies I got. I really felt that my welfare, my side wasn’t thought of by my friends. No thought of the responsibility that this guy has with him, consequently, of the life that I’ll have with him. He’s rich, no question about his ability to be the provider. But in one of my replies, I said, “di nyo man lang ba naisip na baka gusto ko naman na pag nag-asawa ako, ako at yung lalaking pinakasalan ko ang totoong magsisimula ng pamilya namin? Na hindi instant family?”

These two even replied separately that they think I love this guy. Which I didn’t deny. Yes, love for this guy is there, on my part, it’s there. It always has been there. But am I in love with this guy?  I am not, hasn’t been for 13 years now. Personally, there’s a difference between these two. I may love a guy, hell, I love all my friends! But for me to be really in a relationship with a guy, I need to be in love with him, because it is only through this that I’ll be able to see past his faults, be deaf to other people’s opinions about him, be blind to his shortcomings.

Girlfriend No. 2 said that in her case,  despite the fact that her marriage failed and that she has a teenage daughter herself, she realized that there are still other people out there who are willing to love her and accept her. I have no doubt on this. This particular girlfriend of mine is very kind, patient and so loving beyond words. A lot of times, I have chastised her “Kasi ang bait-bait mo ate kaya ka laging nasasaktan ng ibang tao, kasi they take advantage of you na”. And I never said that being a single parent (or even divorced or separated) is a ground for not being loved by other people. I believe in 2nd chances in life. But there’s a difference of perspective here. My dear GF No. 2 has been married. I have not.

In my heart, no matter how jaded I have become about love and men, I still long to have someone in my life who will start a family life with me. Given the choice, I’d have this. As I said in one of my earlier post, if (and that’s a big IF) I do get married, it is something that I would do because I know, in my heart that the guy I got married to IS THE ONE. And I don’t mean the perfect kind of THE ONE, but he’s that guy whose eccentricities, faults, shortcomings, strengths, weaknesses, whatever else, I have come to fully accept.

Maybe, I am at that age or point in my life that I am able to balance my heart and my mind. Yes, I still delight in the happiness that a relationship brings to me, that giddy feeling. But I am not a kid anymore. I’ve been through a lot, relationship wise. Somehow, I found myself to have wised up in this area of my life.

To my ex, I wish you happiness. In my heart, I know that there’s someone out there for you. I just don’t believe that it’s me. Thank you though, for the love and that email. If anything, it sort of give me an affirmation that I am at least, a wife material. :) 

Another Year

Today is my birthday and my Dad's 3rd death anniversary.

Three years after, I'd say that I've finally come to understand why Papa had to go on the day of my birthday. Not that I have this feeling of blame or resentment towards him for dying on my birthday, I mean, if he died any other day last 2008, it will not change the fact that I lost my father. But you see, my mom's mom (or  my maternal grandmother) also died on my birthday in 1983. 25 years after, it was Papa. And siempre, dahil Tatay ko na yun, iba na ang impact sa akin. Since we buried him, I always had this question of "why on my birthday? What do I need to learn or know?"  Three weeks ago, I was hanging out with my friend Louie and we got to talk about life and I mentioned this fact to him. And he said, "because your Dad wants you to take time off from work on your birthday and spend it with your family, maybe that's why he died on your birthday. So that you'd have a very compelling reason to get out of the office on your birthday". And yeah, I guess Louie's right or what he said made sense, to me at least. :)


I miss you, Papa. Nothing will ever change the fact that I will forever miss you. Not just on my birthdays, but for all the days of my life. One day soon, I know, I'll see you again and you'll get to take care of me again when I get sick. But for now, I know you're looking after me, my brothers and sisters, Mama and all your apos from Heaven. 


As to my birthday, I've never been inclined to have a big celebration. I don't know, I guess I was simply raised that way. Birthdays can be had without the fanfare, what matters is I was able to pray and give thanks to Papa God for the year that was and the year that will be. More than anything, I need to be able to pray on my birthday, inside a Church. It doesn't have to be a Mass, but I just need to be physically inside a Church on my birthday. And today, I am sick on my birthday, so I spent like 90% of the day in bed, save for the dinner treat given by my good friends Net Bautista and Vanessa Go complete with a special mascot. Ha!ha! 


I just want to say "THANK YOU" to all my family and friends who have went out of their way to make me feel special on this day. You know who you are, I will not write your names one by one, lest I forget someone, and maging source pa ng tampo. Ha! Ha! 


Thank You, Papa God for the year that was; the challenges; pains; hurts: sickness: arguments with friends: broken friendship; the tears; the laughter; the successes; the opportunity to broaden my horizons; the healing; the deeper bond I was able to form with my friends; for new friends; for the travel opportunities; for a new found talent; for my family; for granting my prayer that You keep each and every member of my family safe all the time; and for EVERYTHING ELSE in my life. Thank You for the new year You've blessed me with. You know po what's in my heart. And I know that if these are all in accordance to Your holy will for me, then it shall be done. 

Gaga over Skin Food

Okay, I've never been one to gush and talk about a product I have just been using for a mere 3 days, but this one's an exemption, I guess.

My good friend Ninette traveled to South Korea over the long weekend. I asked her to buy for me an Eyebrow colour from Skin Food. I have never owned and used a Skin Food product ever. They have shops here in the Philippines but I find them a bit pricey, although (and there's an emphasis on although) I've read and heard good reviews about their products. So, knowing that Ninette was bound for Seoul, I thought that Skin Food being a Korean product would most likely be way cheaper there.

Birthday Gift from Ninette and
the Skin Food Samples
that came with it

Last Friday, Ninette gave me my Eyebrow cake. Along with it was a package containing some samples of other Skin Food products. It contained:  small bottle of Royal Honey Toner; small bottle of Royal Honey Emulsion; a packet of Royal Honey Mask; a packet of Royal Honey Nutrient Massage Cream; a packet of Black Sugar Mask Wash Off and a packet of Red Bean BB Cream. Since the labels (or instructions) were in Korean, I had to research how to use these sample products properly.

Friday night, I decided to try the Royal Honey Toner and Emulsion combination. I cleansed my face with my usual cleanser and then I followed it up with RH Toner using a wad of cotton. Immediately after using the toner, I noticed that this isn't like the usual face toners I've used, it didn't sting and left my face feeling dry. On the contrary, it left my skin feeling moisturized. But I knew that it cleansed my skin well, saw it on the cotton I've used. After toning, I used the Royal Honey Emulsion. The instructions I got from Skin Food's website is that I am to leave this on my face, like a moisturizer of some sort.

The following morning, I noticed that the big pimple which I have on my left temple area has been reduced significantly. Then I felt my skin was softer than usual. So I thought, hmmm this product must be working. I repeated the same regimen Saturday night. And by Sunday morning without me pricking or doing anything at all about it, my left temple pimple has gone further smaller and is drying up beautifully. :)  This made me, once again go: Hmmmmm...  but this time it came with,  I must definitely buy this product.

And so, later that morning as I did my grocery shopping, I made it a point to drop by Skin Food Mall of Asia. Unfortunately, the Royal Honey line isn't available yet in the country. I was told that most likely, it is a new line only available in Korea for now. Sigh..... That means, I must make tipid  my sample sachets, ha! ha! Good thing, my other good friends, Lai and Carina will be going to Korea by month end. And yes, I've already made pakisuyo  that they buy these items for me in Korea. As early as now, thank you, Lai and Caren! :)

Just a few moments ago, I again applied the RH Mask on my face and let it stay for 10 minutes, then massaged it in circular motions, then I rinsed it off with water. Oh boy, even I couldn't stop touching my own face. My skin just feels so moisturized, soft and clean!

I MUST definitely have these items!

Confessions of An iPhone Convert

I've never been an Apple fan. The only Apple gadget I've ever owned was from its iPod line. The first iPod that I got belonged to the early generation early 2006 I think. It was a black 30GB iPod, which was later on got stolen. But from that first iPod unit, I was able to arrive at the conclusion that "madamot ang Apple". I was coming from my experience of having used a Creative Zen mp3 prior to this iPod. My Zen allowed me to delete songs from the unit itself; record voice conversations and a lot of other things. Sure, it didn't have a colored screen like the iPod, but then, I found Zen more user-friendly than iPod. 


As I mentioned, that first iPod unit got stolen. By that time, an MP3 player was already a necessity for me, especially at work. Luckily, an officemate was in dire need of money a few months after I lost my 1st iPod, he sold me his white 30gb iPod for a measly P3,000. At that time, it was a steal! Time went by and I lost my "attachment" to my iPod, it was relegated to my drawer at home. In fact, I  wasn't using it anymore that I gave it to one of my nephews.  This was I think in 2008. 


From 2008 until August of this year, I didn't own any Apple product, not even an iPod. By this time, Apple has already come out with several models of  their mobile phone (iPhone, iPhone 3G, iPhone 3GS, iPhone 4 and now iPhone 4S). Through it all, I never felt inclined to get an Apple mobile phone, because somehow, I knew that what worked for iPod will be the same with iPhone, "madamot".  


August of this year, during my trip to Hong Kong with friends, I decided to get myself a 4th generation iPod touch. Well, it's been years since my last MP3 player, and I wanted something for myself, period. I was happy with my 4th Gen iPod touch; I never imagined that an MP3 player could go a long way, I was basically online for 20 hours a day because of my iPod. 


Then September this year, my Nokia N97 mini has been showing signs of a breakdown (you know stuff like it shuts off even on a full batt; in the middle of everything, it freezes), but I was like clueless "what's out there" in terms of mobile phones. Oh, I knew about iPhone and everyone wanting to get one, but I still thought that it's something that I'm still not inclined to get. I heard about Sony Ericsson Experia Arc and Samsung Galaxy SII. But these high-end phones costs fortune; and I am at that point in my life where I am no longer willing to shell out insanely big amount of money for a mobile phone that would be out-modeled faster than you can say "android gingerbread"! So I waited. And then I noticed that every morning, I have like 4 gadgets on top my desk! And that's excluding the company issued laptop, sweetie! I have my Nokia e63, my N97 mini, my iPod touch and my Globe Myfi for connection. Not to mention the chargers I need for these item, which are, most of the time, also in my bag. 


October this year, and contrary to what I said before, I decided to apply for Smart's retention program in order to get a Samsung Galaxy Y Netphone Edition for free. It's an entry level Android, touch-screen phone and was okay for most of the time, except that I was really having a hard time texting since it's a full touch screen phone and the keyboard was quite small. 


Finally, I decided to do a serious mobile phone upgrading. Normally, when I'm planning to buy a mobile phone, I'd scour the net for reviews, techs and specifications of the phone models of my choice. I normally have 2-3 phone models that I choose from. But this time, I knew that I want an Apple iPhone 4. I expected that with the release of iPhone 4S, the price of iPhone 4 has dropped, and I was right on this one. I considered also SE Experia Arc mainly because of the camera, but it runs on Android, an OS that doesn't basically appeal to me. I don't know why, maybe I just haven't had the chance to fully explore Android, but for now, that's how I feel about it. 

I decided to get
a White iPhone

So that left me with iPhone 4.  I scouted for shops that sells original iPhone4; you know how the market is out there! My first thought was Greenhills, but I was scared I'd end up getting a fake iPhone 4. So, I decided to go to Robinson's Malate first and get an idea of the prevailing market price of iPhone 4. The current market rate was around 27k-29K for a 16GB iPhone 4, regardless whether it's white or black. I asked the saleslady if I can trade in my N97 mini, my Samsung Galaxy Y and she said yes. I was thinking also, that if I do get an iPhone 4, my iPod touch will be kind of a"redundant gadget", so I decided to ask also how much I'm gonna get for it if I trade it as well. All in all, the 3 items were appraised to be worth P14 thousand, which meant  I have to shell out an extra  P14,000 for an iPhone 4. For me it wasn't bad and so I proceeded with the trade and purchase. 

my iPhone with its
Fuschia Pink protector
case

The 1st 24 hours I was using my iPhone 4, I came to fully understand why people who have been using it are not inclined to use or switch to other mobile phone brands. It basically is an "all-in-one" gadget. iPhone users have been content waiting for a new iPhone model to come out, then they upgrade. I so love my iPhone and I personally doesn't see myself going back to other brands.Though I still have my Nokia e63, (because as far as I am concerned, the E-series is the best line Nokia has ever come out with and nothing has come close until now) my main phone is the iPhone 4. My conclusion that Apple is "madamot" in terms of apps and being user-friendly has also changed. And I couldn't say enough "thank you" for apps such as Viber and Whatsapp, which allows me to talk (and sms) for FREE with my friends abroad, for as long as there is a wi-fi connection available. 


A friend has joked that soon, I'd be chucking out this HP laptop I am using and switch to a Mac. Hmmmmm..... Honestly? I am starting to contemplate on it now... But I don't know... Let's see...


For now, I am a certified APPLE CONVERT!  :) 

Vigan

A trip to Vigan is something that has been in the books for almost a year now. For one reason or another, it kept getting shelved. Until finally, we were able to schedule it and go last October 15. As our time was limited, we decided to make it an overnight trip. Well, technically, it was a 2 night - 2 day thing, with us taking a Partas bus on the evening of Friday, October 14.

Me on one of the beds inside the
Ancestral Suite we've rented @ Vigan
Plaza Hotel

We left Partas Cubao Terminal at exactly 12mn and arrived in Vigan a little past 7am of Saturday, October 15. Since it was an evening trip, it was fast and hassle-free and most of all, we slept most of the way. By the way, we took Partas' Deluxe Bus, a 28-seater bus equipped with Lazy Boy like chairs; so it was ultra comfy.  We opted for an overnight stay at the Vigan Plaza Hotel. Since there were 4 of us in this trip, we decided to get one of their Ancestral Suites which cost us P4,165. Not bad considering that it comes with free breakfast for four as well and taking into account that it's located right beside the famous Calle Crisologo. 

Calle Crisologo at almost
4pm

Calle Crisologo aside from its well preserved state as a heritage site, is also considered as a photographer's  delight because it is, I think, the only place in Vigan which do not have hanging electric wires or lampposts, thus giving a photographer an uninterrupted view of the entire place.

display at Cafe Uno

As soon as we were ushered into our room, we just took an hour or two to freshen up and off we went to our Vigan day-tour. Since the hotel van was no longer available by the time we went downstairs to inquire, and none of us have ever ridden a Kalesa, we decided to take a Kalesa Day Trip being offered by Kutseros right outside the hotel. Since there were four of us, we needed to take 2 Kalesas; the kalesa day trip cost us P150/hour/kalesa. But before we started the tour, we decided to walk and explore the shops at Calle Crisologo. We ended up having late breakfast at Cafe Uno, where I first got to taste Daing na Espada with Fried Rice and Sukang Iloco. It was simply heaven! My friends got Vigan Longganisa and some Tapas.


After that hearty breakfast, we proceeded with the day tour. Our Kutsero said that there will be 5-6 stops which will take about 4 hours max. 

at the entrance of Burgos House

Our first stop was the Padre Burgos House. A museum housing the memorabilias of a priest patriot Fr. Jose Burgos. Sadly, the house wasn't well-maintained. Yeah, yeah it's an old house, but I have been to Taal, Batangas and have explored its Heritage Town last September and I can honestly say that the government of Batangas has done (and is doing) a great job at preserving their historical landmarks. This was not the case in Padre Burgos House. There were a lot of memorabilias on display, but it was basically left to itself. I wonder where the donation fees go? 

Calesa of the Crisologos

Next stop was the Crisologo House. Since this one's a private museum, it is in a much better state than Padre Burgos was, as can be seen by well-polished floors. Crisologo House is the house of Former Congresman Floro Crisologo, father of Bingbong Crisologo. The 1st floor houses the family books, kalesa  and the car where Mrs. Crisologo was riding when an assassin tried to murder her. The 2nd floor houses Cong. Floro's office as well as the preserved bloodied garments he wore on the day that he was shot inside the St. Paul's Cathedral. The pictures and the garment of Cong. Floro, reminded me of the pictures taken when Ninoy Aquino was assassinated in 1983.  

Reminiscent of a scene in the movie
 Ghost minus Demi  :))

After the Crisologo House, we went to a pottery or jar making site. There we got a glimpse how those Burnay jars are being made. It sure does take a lot of muscles! 

A Sto. Nino altar inside
the Vigan Hidden Garden

Next stop was the Hidden Garden. Well, if you'd ask me to describe it, i'd just say that it is Vigan's version of Tagaytay's Sonya's Garden :). Vigan's Hidden Garden has yeah, plants, lots of it actually and a restaurant inside the premises. Pardon me, but I'm not really into plants, so I was like "okay, ito pala yun". Oh, they don't have a hotel (or cottages) like Sonya's. 


At their cafe/resto, I tried sampling what they called as "Native Halo-Halo", and my friends tried Vigan Empanada. I was expecting that the Halo-Halo will offer something different from the ones I get to eat in Manila, but I wasn't that lucky. :( 

Yeah, that's me with the Camel ... :) In fairness, he
"smiled"  all the time that we were having
our pics taken with him

After the Hidden Garden, off we went to Baluarte, a private mini-zoo cum resort owned by Chavit Singson. Here, I was able to be up close and personal with a Camel. Yeah, a Camel. :), an animal which I believed I'd never get to see up close unless I go to Saudi Arabia :) It also houses a host of other animal species. We tried seeing the tiger, but I think, it was having its siesta  when we were there. I couldn't really blame him, we were there between 12 noon - 1pm, the hottest time of the day. Needless to say, we didn't stay long. On the way out, I saw a structure that was being built. My friends and I guessed that it will be some kind of a hotel. 

After Baluarte, we were taken to the Syquia Mansion or also known as the Quirino Mansion. Syquia is the family name of the wife of the former President Elpidio Quirino, Dona Alicia. According to the katiwala, when Dona Alicia married President Quirino, the house was renamed as Quirino Mansion  as a sign of respect to Elpidio. But nowadays as with the marker outside the mansion, it is now referred to as "Syquia Mansion". As with Crisologo Museum, Syquia Mansion is a privately owned museum, thus, one can expect that the house is well-maintained and preserved. It is now being taken care of a fourth-generation "katiwala", unfortunately, I forgot his name. But he gave us a very detailed tour of the house and was even generous enough to take our pics. Almost all the memorabilias housed found inside the Mansion are originals, hence, valuable. The touted replica of Juan Luna's Spolarium, painted by Luna's assistant graces what used to be the house's antesala. 


After Syquia Mansion, our Kutseros told us that the last stop was the bell tower something, but we were tired already by this time that we begged off. We asked to be brought back to our hotel instead. All in all, we paid P750 / kalesa for a 5 hour day trip. I'd say, it was well worth it. 


We went back to our room to freshen up and rest for a bit. But not before we scouted the area for a spa, since we all were tired, we wanted some pampering. Fortunately, there were 2 Spa Centers located in a commercial building a walking distance from our hotel; unfortunately, there were only 3 therapist in all available that afternoon. So that meant, that the 4 of us will have to take turns. I decided to go first and have my massage. My friend, Dex opted to have his massage in a different spa center. I had a 30-minute foot massage coupled with an hour whole body massage. After this, it was our other 2 friends' turn. While waiting for them, Dex and I decided to explore Calle Crisologo at night time. I appreciated that moment a lot. It felt like being transported back to the 19th century, I felt safe and so calm. I mean, I didn't feel the stresses of life back in the city. I just felt like I was Maria Clara taking a leisurely stroll down Calle Crisologo. 


We had our dinner at Grandpa's Inn. Like our breakfast that morning, it was sumptuous. My tummy was needless to say... HAPPY. :) 


We decided to end the night with a drinking session inside our room. And since we were in Vigan, we decided to try out their local wine or what they call Basi. Didn't like it, though. I guess, its an acquired taste. Haha!


We left Vigan the following day, Sunday, October 16. We tried to attend a mass at the St. Paul Cathedral, but we were late already so much so that we were able to hear the priest bestowing his blessings for everyone. We had our breakfast at the hotel and left for the bus terminal at around 10am.

Our trip going home, unlike our trip coming to Vigan, took 10 hours to complete. We left the Partas Vigan  station at 10am, I arrived in Cubao Station at 8pm. Lesson learned: travel at night. 


Given the chance, I'd definitely go back to Vigan but will go farther up North the next time. 


I'd like to say my special thanks to the staff of the Vigan Plaza Hotel, for being so accommodating. Reserving a room with them was a breeze! I just called them a day before we left for Vigan, told them my name and how many we are in and that's it, I got a room reserved for us! And they were so patient with all changes that had to take place (i.e., us taking a different bus line from the one I advised them earlier for the pick-up arrangements; no more extra bed because 1 person didn't join us at the last minute). Thank you so much! Sorry, I am really bad with names, but you know who you are guys! Thanks!!

On Friends and Helping Each Other Out

Today while at work, I bonded with a girlfriend of mine thru email. In the course of our email exchange, my gf has shared with me the stresses she's going through. I was comforting her and giving her encouraging words. At one of her replies, she told me "para lang kasing ang malas ng month na to and the past month. gusto ko lang naman maging masaya". Reading this, I felt how low she's really feeling these days and other than to be with her even if only through email, I felt that there's nothing else I can do for her. 


Tonight, while I was resting before dinner, another girlfriend called me up and she sounded distressed over some legal matters. I could hear in her voice the panic and fear. Although, in all fairness to her, I also sensed her attempt to stay calm. At once, my brain was working double time, trying to mentally review my phone book  who I can call for a consult. Thankfully, there are some lawyers in my company with whom I can consult; just a phone call away. Thank God for them!  And so for a time, I was like the middle person between my friend and the company lawyer I consulted. At the end of all the phone calls and text messages, I resumed my dinner. It was during this time that some realizations came to me. 


One realization was that, God really send people in our lives who complement us. He makes us friends with people who have the capacity/ability that we don't have in ourselves. And for some weird reason, I was reviewing the events in my life this year (the downs and ups) and I also realized that at the time when I was emotionally down, my friends' lives were "drama free", hence, I was able to run to them and find solace in their love and company. And now, when I can honestly say that I've recovered, I believe that it's my turn to pay them back of some the love and help they gave me. 


Sometimes, I get "praning" that one of my friends will have a big problem and they won't tell me about it, keep it to themselves and just end up doing something stupid, like commit suicide. God, I couldn't bear it if that ever happens! I always pray about my friends, not as specific as saying each of their names, but in a general manner like "Papa God, please take care of all my friends". But of course, if there are some who ask me to pray for them for specific intention, I do include them in my petition prayers at Pink Sisters. 


Friends are indeed one of the God's finest gift to us! To all my friends, let me share these verses from the song "Make You Feel My Love":


When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

On Asking Questions

Barely 2 weeks to go and the new organization table is expected to be in placed. This means with my transfer to Training and Oversight Division, I have barely 2 weeks to spend time with some of my staff.

Currently, I am supervising 8 staff; Out of these 8, 3 are new hires in 2009; 1 a transferee from another department of HR while the rest has always been with my department.

Looking back now, I am thankful, as I believe that some level, I was successful in making them effective employees of the System. I have never been the kind of person who likes to spoon feed others.Maybe because I personally has a very high sense of independence; thus, I expect people around me to be the same.

One thing which I have repeatedly reminded them to do and to never feel ashamed in doing is to ask questions. In my more blatant manner, I'd tell them "wag kayong epal kung di nyo alam talaga. Pag may pinagawa sa inyo at di nyo alam kung paano gagawin, magtanong kayo. Pag may instructions sa inyo at hindi klaro, magtanong kayo, paulit nyo ang instructions, kahit sa akin mismo nyo gawin yan okay lang. Kesa naman nagbalikan kayo sa mga cubicle, gagawin nyo trabaho tapos mali lang. Mas madaming masasayang; oras, panahon, bond papers, ink, etc. Hindi kayo manghuhula, kaya wag kayong manghula kung talagang hindi nyo alam".

I have one staff who was in the habit of using the word "problem", and thankfully, I have instilled in her to use the term "concern" instead, whenever something unexpected comes up. This is due to my personal belief that in the corporate world, one only has concerns or issues when it comes to his job/work, and never problems Concerns can be addressed; problems are perennial.

I will miss 6 of them under the new structure, for only 2 of them will be with me in Training. But I know in my heart that they will make me proud in their new units, especially Ann and Tristan who will be with the new recruitment division. These two are nervous obviously, but I have faith in them that they will be able to teach their new colleagues about recruitment.

To my staff, it has been a pleasure working with you and thank you for the patience and love! Goodluck and see you around!

My Best Guy Friend

Today, the 1st Sunday of October is a pleasant one for me, because I got to spend time with a guy childhood friend whom I have not seen (and talked to) in a really, really, really long time. Oh well, the facts that he's now based abroad and doesn't have any social networking account (he simply refuses to have one, Friendster days pa lang) are major factors why our communication has been sporadic. But this guy has always been easy to talk to. I was just in my teenage years when we first became friends, and mind you, it has remained just that: FRIENDSHIP. I didn't know he was in the country until I got an sms on my personal mobile number. So I rushed out of the house to meet with him for coffee. 


Surprisingly, he's updated with all that has been happening in my life. Though he admitted that lately, he gets the updates from my entries here. As a real friend goes, he's happy for me, for what I have become as a person; and that he is most happy that I finally "had the balls to go after and do what I really wanna do in my life; and not just spend time working my ass off". And that he will be "really, truly ecstatically happy" "if you quit your present job and go back to the private sector, because working in the government is just a waste of your talent!". Ahhahahhaahha! How bloody upfront of you, Mon! This latter wish brought back to my mind that afternoon when I told you guys that I'll be working in the government and you were so incredulous about it. Hahaha!Well, 10 years after, I'm still here. :) 


It was a nice couple of hours to spend with you, my dear Mon-Mon, even though the sky was overcast and there's a bit of rain. I have missed you tremendously and our moments like we had this afternoon. I hope to heavens that you'll come back and visit  more frequently. And for goodness' sake, can you please have a social networking account?! 

Slotted!

Today, the manning under the new organizational structure came out. Just like the survey conducted last May, 2011, the manning was also released through the company intranet facility.

As advised around 6 weeks ago, I was slotted to handle the realigned Training and Oversight Division (T&OD). I’ve been having mixed feelings about this post ever since it was first mentioned to me. Fear being the biggest of all these feelings because, in all my 14 years of being an HR practitioner, I have always avoided being with Training. I can’t exactly say the reason why, basta, ayoko lang. 

So when my Manager informed me that I shall be heading the T&OD, all I can manage to do was give her this wide-eye, open-mouthed stare sabay hirit ng "joke ba yan?!". When that meeting ended and I got out of the meeting room, walking back to my work cube, I was kind of in a shock and my mind was like doing this rewind thing, only a thousand times faster. I was really thinking as far back as my 1^st job as HR in the private sector, trying to come up with a reason that I can give to my boss why I couldn't be handling T&OD. Obviously and sadly, I can’t find one.  As I reached my work cube, something clicked, like someone whispered: "It’s time for you to do this, Rose. You've been avoiding Training like a plague and now, there's no where else to go." Resigned to this new development and on my way out, I passed by my boss and told her, “Okay na. Tangggap ko na. This is where God wants me to be. Pero wala talaga akong background sa Training, ma’am, kaya aaralin ko pa yan.” To which she replied, “Pareho lang tayo. Sabay natin to aaralin”.  Then, I left for the day.

But from that time on, I always have this question if I came up with the right decision. For several days after that meeting, a part of me was like, “ano kaya, kausapin ko na lang ulit ang Corplan, baka may open pang slot kay Atty. Ting”. You see, I was also talked to by the 2 incoming managers of the Corporate Planning. I had reservations transferring for 2 reasons: One, I love my career as an HR. When I was asked by 1 of the incoming Corplan Managers where my heart is, “nasa HR ba, Rose?” without hesitation, I nodded; and two: There could be an effect on my supervisor’s allowance because the position in Corplan, though of equivalent rank, does not entail supervisory function, hence, I might not be entitled to RATA. So after I was informed of being the T&OD head, I was having “what if’s” about the Corplan offers which I have already turned down by that time.

That weekend, I prayed about it. And my prayer went like this: “Papa God, alam ko kaya ko naman po, kasi You blessed me naman with some intellect and a lot of lakas ng loob, madami lang talagang gagawin at aaralin. Pero ang tanong ko lang naman po, magiging effective po ba ako sa post na to? Kasi, di ba, di naman po ako teacher by nature? Wala ho akong tyaga talaga mag-teach, tapos ngayon trainor pa. Oo, facilitator lang siguro ako most of the time, pero just the same, I still have to teach my staff din about this, kasi pare-pareho kameng walang background sa training. Tapos, alam Mo naman po diba, na hangga’t maari, ayoko na ho ng work sched ko like the one I had for the last 10 years? Na-e-enjoy ko na po ang buhay ko ngayon, learning new things, nagkakaroon na po ng balance ang buhay ko between work and personal stuff. Eh para pong dito sa bagong post ko, babalik ako ulit sa 14 hours/day 7days/week na routine, sa dami ho ng aaralin.” And that prayer went on and on.

The following week, I and two of my would-be staff in T&OD were made to attend a 2 day-seminar in Ateneo Makati. The seminar, which was about computing the return on investment of training programs, is actually the last part already of a 4-part Seminar / Program on Training, in short, we didn’t get to attend the first 3 parts to complete the entire program! That’s when I got some sort of an answer to my question (if I can do this, head the T&OD): that even though it is the last part, I managed to understand what the seminar was all about. And my team (from GSIS), being the neophytes in training, were easily accepted and readily embraced by our co-participants from different companies. They readily answered our queries and were generous enough to give us copies of the training forms they use in their respective companies. Added to these is the enthusiasm I saw from my 2 staff. At that moment, I knew that I being the training head can work out.

Save for one fact, which I was able to confirm only today through the manning report posted and that is having another a staff with whom I have my reservations about, I now have the faith in myself and the incoming T&OD team which I believe is really crucial to make this work.

Lastly, this afternoon, I chanced upon the incumbents of Training Department preparing their files for turnover to us. I took the liberty of having a go-see and I was really delighted and sincerely touched to learn that they were preparing to pass on all those documents to me in proper order, even to the point of providing me an Excel file so that when a file is needed, all I had to do was press “ctrl+f” on the pc. For this, I am truly grateful to the current Training Staff.

To the incoming Training and Oversight Staff: LET’S ROLL and LET THE FUN BEGIN!

Budding Photographer

If there’s one thing I can say as a good thing in the past 3 weeks, it is the fact that I have finished a Basic Photography Workshop conducted by Federation of Philippine Photographers Foundation, Inc (FPPF). And as an icing on the cake, on our final day, my entry for the Open Space category was adjudged 7^th place! Not bad for someone like me who knew barely 10% of her DSLR camera.  J

my entry for the Open Space Category
which placed 7th during our Finals

But now, here’s the thing: winning the 7^th place has sort of affirmed that indeed, I knew how to take pictures and that I have a potential on this, thus, giving me that glimpse of an alternative career. Now, this isn’t bad is it? Then again, knowing that I can have this as an alternative career only fuelled my desire to get out of my current job FASTER.

Okay, I’ll admit this now: I’ve been at a point in my career when I believe that I have reached my saturation point. My present job is the longest I’ve held ever since I graduated from college. At first, I attributed this staying with maturity and “settling down” (career-wise). Oh yeah, the salary and benefits isn’t bad as well. But this year, as I have written in an earlier entry, I promised that 2011 is gonna be MY year; work will have to take a back seat. Hence, I was able to take up Basic Mandarin and now, Basic Photography. At some point, I was contemplating taking up Make-up Artistry. But something (gut feel) held me back from enrolling in a class, but that's for another discussion.

Now, photography is something that I know I want to pursue. Oh and yeah, being in the 7^th place is the big pat I needed; one which I prayed for if indeed this is a viable option for an alternative career. The feeling of wanting to be better; to learn more; to explore more areas of photography; even to the point that I am now willing to learn Photoshop and Lightroom 3! And when I say willing, I am willing to shell out big bucks for licensed programs. Not to mention that I need to save up also since Photography isn’t cheap as the lenses, flash(es), lights, other seminars I need to take, these will all cost me money. But the excitement of trying to see what or where I can be in this field is bringing me that sense of fulfilment I’ve never had for quite a while now.

Since finishing the workshop, I now have a different reason for wanting the work week to be done and over with; yeah because its gonna be weekend, and that means I am free to go and snap away to my heart’s content.  Getting into a photography workshop has also given me the ability to see the world differently. Most things I used to ignore before, I see now in a different perspective. Take for instance my office building which stands right beside the famed Manila Bay.  For 10 years, I’d look at the bay and say, “oh yeah, there’s the manila bay”. Or on occasions when I’d get to view the magnificent sunset, all I’d just say is “ ang ganda”. But now, even on rainy day, when the bay would exhibit a dark (sometimes black) color, I’m able to appreciate it.  A single boat or ship docked on the bay, makes me appreciate it nowadays. I am excited to see more of this world in a whole new different light.

Photography has also given me the courage to be alone and yet, not feel isolated. During my recent trip, when things were already tense among us, I’d get to escape the dramas of my friends by taking pics as we were walking along the streets of Hong Kong and Macau. After the trip and looking back at the 1,000+ shots I took, that’s when I realized that I survived the trip because of my camera. There were very few pictures where I was in it. Even on my friends’ cameras, they said they have very few pics of me, because I was almost always busy snapping away on my cam!

For now, photography serves as a personal outlet and at the same time, an opportunity to explore.  

Ang "Batman" ng Buhay Ko

This afternoon at work, I was asked by someone how come it appears that I am not bothered with the on-going reorganization in our office. While it seems that almost everyone is voicing out their fears and yes, even anger as to how our Table of Organization is turning out, I have not been as vocal. This person even had the gall to insinuate that maybe, I knew already where I am going to be “placed” after this re-org, hence, my indifference. Sarap i-“toinks!” sa totoo lang. Nang-intriga pa eh.

I looked that person into the eye and all I said was: “Kasi, alam na ni Batman kung ano ang saloobin ko tungkol dyan. Nasabi ko na sa kanya. Matagal na. Kaya wala na akong sasabihin pa, kundi, Bahala na si Batman.” Then I walked away.

Ngayon, sino naman etong Batman na sinasabi ko? I was referring to God. Yes, HIM, no other else. Because in all honesty I have already prayed about this re-org several or even countless times. Alam na ng Papa God ano ang nasa puso at isipan ko about this. And I didn’t only pray for myself, I prayed also for people who matter to me, then and now (yes, may emphasis sa THEN, dahil may mga taong hindi ko na ikukulit pa ulet kay Batman, sorry).

Okay, forgive me, if this entry will sound “preachy” but I am talking about MY faith here.  

Bihira sa buhay ko ang mga pagkakataon na ganito ka-buo ang faith ko. Baka sobra pa ang 10 fingers ko kung magbibilang ako ng mga ganitong pagkakataon sa buhay ko. Bakit ganuon kadalang? Kasi mahirap gawin yun, ang magtiwala ng buo at isa pa kasi tao lang ako, by nature, matigas ang ulo ko. 

Pero pag dumarating ako sa ganitong pagkakataon, asahan mo na susunod ako ng walang angal, pagtatanung at pag-aalinlangan sa kung saan ko man matagpuan ang sarili ko, kasi sure ako, yun ang gusto ni Batman para sa akin. Para sa akin, yun ang tunay na pagtitiwala sa Kanya. Isumbong mo, iiyak mo, ikuento mo, sabihin mo na pati opinion mo tungkol sa bagay, pangyayari o tao na yun, pati na rin yung gusto mong mangyari “kung ikaw ang masusunod”. Pero kapag sinabi mong “Ikaw na po ang bahala”, wala ka nang karapatang umepal pa ng emote, kasi di ba, “Siya na nga ang bahala”? Eh bakit e-epal ka pa ng emote, ng talak, at kung anu-ano pa? Siya na nga bahala eh. Bakit papatayin mo pa sarili mo sa kaka-worry?

Hindi ko tini-trivialize ang nararamdamang pangamba at pag-a-alala ng mga kasama ko sa trabaho dahil dito sa reorg na ito. Alam ko yung worry na dinadanas nila kasi may mga anak na pinag-aaral; may asawang sinusuportahan; may kapatid o pamankin na pinapa-aral o tinutulungan; may magulang na tinutulungan or pinapagamot. Given yun eh. Kasi lahat naman nagta-trabaho para sa pamilya at siyempre, sa sarili na rin. Ako, dalaga ako, ikanga ng mga kasamahan kong pamilyado, “solong-katawan” ako. Pero, hindi ibig sabihin nuon ay wala akong nanay, kapatid o pamankin na pwedeng magkasakit o mangailangan, o ako mismo, may pangangailangan, kasi ako na bumubuhay sa sarili ko. Sabi ko nga, lahat naman tayo may dinadamayan, may pangangailangan.

At kasama yan sa sinabi ko kay Batman na Siya na ang bahala. Kung talagang hindi ako meant to fulfil the required number of service years para makapag-retire ako, and that I really have to leave my present company eventually as a result of this reorg, then I have no choice. I believe that Batman has something in store for me somewhere else.  Kung tatanungin nyo ako ngayon,”eh ano naman ang ginagawa mong preparation if ever?” sasagutin kita ng buong katotohanang, “WALA”. Hindi ako nag-a-update ng resume, I’m not even looking at online job search sites (kahit pa may regular email alerts ako from these sites, hindi ko binubuksan), I’m not even calling up my former bosses just to see “what’s out there”, I’m not even networking. Foolhardy yes, but then again, why would I do such things at this point? May trabaho pa naman ako. Oo, siguro the wise thing to do is to have a back-up plan “just in case”, sa hirap ba naman ng trabaho ngayon. Pero kung dumating man ang panahon na yun, yung time na wala akong work, I will take it as a time to rest given to me by Batman.

Nope, hindi ganuon ka-dami ang savings ko. In fact, wala akong savings na masasabing of decent amount. Wala din akong investments or business that I can fall back on. Ang tanging fall back ko? SI BATMAN. Siya lang. Bakit, mas may titibay pa ba sa fall back ko?

Kaya ayan ang rason kung bakit hindi ako masyadong kumikibo tungkol dyan sa reorg na yan. Ayoko nang ma-stress. I just wanna be happy and learn new things. If I get to stay, then thank you, because I still want to. And at the very least, hindi ako na-stress; at most, hindi nasayang ang oras kong malungkot, magalit, um-emote nang para lang pala sa wala. If I don’t get to stay, I still get the same benefits because of my faith; hindi ako na-stress, nalungkot, nagalit eh matatanggal din naman pala ako.

If anything, these days sa office, I use each day that I still get to go to work at this office and still be with these people whom I have been working with for the last 10 years of my life, to be happy WITH THEM; to have a better relationship with them. Yung sinasabi na “live each day like it’s your last”? On a smaller scale, ganuon ang attitude ko now when I go to work.

Basta tandaan, si BATMAN lang ang fallback ko, at alam ko na wala nang mas titibay pa dun!