An Open Letter for Someone

This entry will, hopefully, serve as an outlet for the anger that I have been keeping to my self for quite sometime now. And yes, this is actually some sort of an open letter to a guy I dated for several months (since last year to February 14 of this year). The guy will remain unnamed in this entry mostly because I wanna spare him the embarrassment and ire of my friends. You know who you are, because this entry will be sent to your email (yeah, I included your email add for this particular entry).  And again, yes, this entry will hurt you, because this will contain the truth. 

I met you through a mutual friend. At first sight, there wasn't any spark, at least on my part. Although, there was this curiosity.  A guy your age, 39 with a stable career in the private sector, seems like a good match for a single woman like me. And yeah, you are intelligent and was able to carry decent conversations. In all those times we went out, I saw a lot of like-able qualities in you. Some of these are the patience and understanding in all those times that I had to cancel at the last minute because of the demands of my work at that time. You managed to make me feel that you understand my need for time with friends, with family and with myself (my ""me" time"); my "weirdness" on some stuff (i.e., i'm not a flower person).

But as the days turned into months, I waited. I waited and I waited for myself to feel something for you. I know I said that I am not a romantic at heart. But let me qualify that statement: I don't believe in fairy tale romances. But I do believe in LOVE. And that when you love a person, that person will make you happy. The mere sight of that person will send your heart a-flutter; will make you feel as if you have butterflies in your stomach; will send your heart racing and will keep you smiling like an idiot. I waited for these feelings to come to me, for you.

You asked me to go and meet your parents on February 14. You asked me so sweetly. The way you asked me made me felt that you really "get" me; because you didn't make me feel that you were just asking me out on February 14 without regard for my "faithlessness" in February 14 and what its symbolizes.  I will admit it now, I felt hesitation right after you asked me. But  as a friend of mine has counselled, "give him a chance". And I did. And I truly did. In more ways than you will ever know.

My instinct as a woman made me kind of reticent in fully trusting you. And yeah, this instinct was the very reason I asked you "Sigurado ka bang sa edad at status mong yan, hindi ka pa kinasal, o wala ka pa talagang kinasama o naanakan?" To which you blatantly answered "No. Wala akong pinakasalan, kinasama o naanakan." You said these words while looking into my eyes.

So how would you expect me to feel that on the night you made me meet your family, you ended your introduction "... and this is my daughter..."?

Wow!!!!! It took all my strength not to run out of your house. Because if I did that, it will be a blatant disrespect to your parents. And boy, I am not that kind of woman you bring home to your parents only to be rude to them. It took a lot from me that very moment, not to cry , not to to feel mad at you. It took a lot for me to sit through the dinner and eat the food that your mom has prepared; to smile and try to keep focused on the conversation that went around in your dining table; to pretend that I knew about your daughter all along. And at the same time that I was trying to do all these things? I was not looking at you, at all, because, at that very moment, I could have killed you by just merely looking at you.

I was honest with you. From Day 1, I was nothing but honest with you. At the time that I asked you about your marital status, I was ready to hear the truth; otherwise, I wouldn't have dared to ask. But you lied to me, pointblank. What did you expect me to do? How did you expect me to feel? I have big issues about LYING and CHEATING. You did one of these two. It was enough for me to tell you that I couldn't go on and continue seeing you. I thought you understand.

But why after three months, you're still talking about me? Worse, you talk to my friends. Do you think that they will be sympathetic to you? Maybe. I don't impose on my friends, you see. But to actually tell them that I didn't even have the decency to say "Thank you" for the bouquet of flowers you sent me while I was in Cebu on that Valentine weekend, considering that it cost you around Php3000, is just one of the several lies I heard you're telling about me.

Sabi nga ng kaibigan ko na kinausap mo, "Si Osang ang isa sa taong makikilala mo na may pagka-mababaw ang kaligayahan. Sa lahat ng bagay na gagawin mo para kay Osang, maliit o malaking bagay man yan, magpapasalamat si Osang. Di man sa tuwirang Thank You, pero magpapa-salamat yan. Kahit nga fishball, halos ipag patayo na ako ng monumento nyan eh. Minsan nga words of encouragement lang pag may problema yan, iiyak na yan sa sobrang pagpapa-salamat sa iyo."  Sana na-realize mo na makakarating sa akin yung mga sinasabi mo.

I tried to keep my silence in all these 3 months, hoping that you'll eventually stop and shut your mouth. But you didn't. Nagkamali ka, kasi ayoko ng usaping pera. Hindi ko hiningi ang flowers na pinadala mo. Kaya foul for me ang sabihin mo na hindi man lang ako nag Thank You sa iyo for those flowers. I can show you my February cellphone billing. Kasi you sent those flowers at the time that I was in Cebu, and I had to call you from my cellphone to say Thank You for the flowers. I was in Cebu at that time, sa tuktok ng isang bundok sa Cebu when I called you. So don't tell me that I didn't say Thank You.

Mataray ako pero hindi ako "thankless" na klase ng tao; hindi din ako sinungaling. Hindi din ako mapag kunwari. Kaya siguro may point ka sa pagsasabing sa lahat ng panahon na we dated, hindi mo naramdaman na may feelings ako for you. Kasi wala talaga. Pero pinilit ko. Pero wala talaga. At oo, tama ka din sa sinabi mo sa isang kaibigan ko, kaya di ko nakuhang gustuhin ka, kasi may iba akong gusto. 


I will send you the payment for the flowers. My friends are telling me not to do this. But I am. Because I want you to understand that I want you out of my life. That in paying you for the flowers, I will not be thinking of you as the boy who gave me flowers on the Valentine weekend of 2011; but you're the boy I asked to BUY me flowers.

I truly hope you find your happiness.