Okay, this entry has the consent of the person concerned. But it is my own decision to use his Facebook user ID rather than his full name in order to leave him some semblance of privacy.
For like a month now, there’s someone in my FB who’s been writing lengthy (and oftentimes very revealing) comments on posts that I make on my FB. And needless to say, his comments have triggered questions from my friends. “Sino si Louie_tg?” I couldn’t blame them. I have been on FB for like 2 years already, and my friends have been used to seeing my posts where I am just nang-a-asar or nang-a-away. Hehe. Then all of a sudden, there’s this person who would comment in such a way.
I have discussed this with him and jokingly relayed to him a comment from another friend. “Louie, can you please not write too revealing comments on my posts? Kasi nahihiya na tuloy ang mga friends ko mag comment after you. Nasisira ang reputasyon ko bilang FB Queen among my friends!” Ahahahhahahah!!! Yes, one friend told me about it, that there have been some posts of mine where she would like to write her comments, but after reading Louie’s comment/s, will decide not to write na lang. She even said that later on, she would just log on to FB to check if there's an exchange between me and Louie because "naaaliw" sya.
But seriously, Louie is someone who came into my life more or less, 15 years ago. He was my boyfriend a little after college (so, that makes him an “ex”). Things didn’t work out between us because of some circumstances (in his own words, “because of his stupidity”). As I am not in a habit of maintaining communication with an “ex”, Louie and I have meagerly communicated with each other through the years, though I would say that we maintained some semblance of friendship, laced with mutual respect and sincere care. By several twists of fate over those years, I have been well informed about the status of Louie’s love life (or the lack of it) and it went the same for him. He knew when I’m romantically un-attached; he also knew when I am in a relationship. And for a time after we finally broke up, I maintained (and enjoyed) a good relationship with his parents.
But one thing that is constant, Louie would always, always use my name as an excuse to get out of a bad date. Ha ha! And I will not deny that this has my blessing and I wouldn’t give too much attention to it. However, the last time he used my name as an excuse, I sort of found it beyond what I can tolerate, so I called his attention. And that’s how we started talking again regularly. Then one day, I just found that I had an FB friend request from him. It took me a month before I finally acted on his friend request. I had my doubts. For one, I knew that he started seeing someone at around the same time, so I didn’t want to come in between something; and two, I knew that if I become a part of Louie’s life again, explanations to a certain group of people will be inevitable.
But then again, I thought that maybe 14 years after we’ve broken up, things will be different.
And yes, things are definitely different now. Accepting Louie on my FB has helped me find my way back to my old self; my old self which I unknowingly lost along the way as I was trying to make a life in this world that I have chosen to take. Louie has made me realize that in the last 10 years, I have lost focus on what is important in this life. And these are God, my family, my friends and most of all me. My reconnection with Louie has affirmed that my decision to focus more on my personal life was right. That my career will have to take a back seat, after all, I have devoted nearly 14 years of my adult life to it.
And no, Louie and I are not a couple. He’s still with his girlfriend (the one he started seeing early this year), and I am happy with the friendship that I share with him. All my friends who can see his comments on my FB are saying, “Sis, the guy loves you”. And as always, without batting an eyelash, my reply would be: “Oo naman, mahal naman tlaga ako ni Louie, hindi naman nawala yun”. And yes, there is love on my part, too. But then, as they say, loving someone and being in love with someone are two different things. I guess what Louie and I have for each other is the former, love for each other but we are not in love with each other.
Louie knows that I had trust issues with him before. For everyone’s information, Louie holds that “distinction” in my life of being the only “ex bf” who’s had a 2nd chance with me. Other than my “policy” of not communicating with an ex, I also don’t believe in 2nd chances with an ex. For me, a relationship has come to an end because it simply wasn’t meant to run for a lifetime, so why bother with a 2nd chance? A story that has ran its course and has come to an end need not be stretched more than it should be; otherwise it comes out as “pilit’ and would just take its emotional toll on the people involve. And so, becoming a couple at this point would only ruin what Louie and I have now; and what we have now is something far more meaningful and treasurable, for me.
I know for a fact that Louie’s present GF have some issues about me being in his life. But then again, I am keeping within my boundaries that much I can assure. I also know that some of my friends are fearful that I would get hurt with this set up. Maybe. I don’t know for now.
And Louie, I couldn’t say this to you in person, because when I do, I will be crying (and I know that you hate it when I do that), so I’m gonna write this here now:
THANK YOU FOR…
- being in my life now;
- letting me realize what I have unwittingly and foolishly given up in pursuit of my so-called “successes”;
- making the process of affirming to myself that I did the right decision, much, much easier;
- making me remember that there were some points in my life when I was happy and the world is beautiful despite the challenges of everyday living and it still is a beautiful world and I can still be happy;
- making me remember how it is to laugh from the heart (and the belly, too);
- making me realize that I can totally forgive someone who’s caused me so much pain in the past (yes, it’s you J)
- making one of my dreams come true (and yeah, I know now that it’s real);
- protecting me from harm;
- accepting me and my “eccentricities”;
- not failing to make me feel good when I have a bad day;
I am looking forward that our friendship will continue to flourish! God knows where we will end up, but know that for now, I can honestly say that I am your best friend.
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